Sunday, June 27, 2010 6/27/2010 11:31:00 AM

jealousy...

♥ these few days....
i did alot of wonderings...
ppl can get credits from what i did...
ppl can get attention from what they do...
even though it's juz a small little thing...
they have the charm and charisma...
and i don't....
how long must i need to live alone like this?
i may have a family last time...
but now... i dun even think i owned a family...
even my own family don't understand me...
only sometimes...
but my true feelings...
i dun think they even know bout it...
coz we never talk to each other...
exchanging opinions doesn't make much help...

i juz dun have it...
n i'm jealous bout ppl hu has it...
y can't i have it????
WHY???
it's been killing me for years wondering this...
n often i try to forget it...
sometimes it works...
but sometimes it juz comes back again...
haihz...

Tuesday, June 22, 2010 6/22/2010 10:52:00 PM

long time din feel so emo...

♥
long time i din feel jealousy in my heart ady...
i have alot of personal traits that even i couldn't explain...
i dun like ppl to question me...
i dun like ppl to fight me bak...
i like to win...
i dun like losing...
i dun understand why ppl think so differently from me...
i dun understand why other ppl have greater life than mine...
i dun understand why am i born like this...
i dun understand why certain ppl are so ignorant...
i dun understand why they never think bout other...
i dun understand why i understand other ppl more than ppl understand me...
i dun understand why ppl have the same level of egoism as me...
i dun understand why ppl dun listen to me...
i dun understand why i'm not the person to get talked to...
i dun have a fren hu i can talk to...
i dun have a someone to speak out what's inside me...
i choose people to talk to...
i always wanted attention, and attention never came to me...
i dun have the luck with ppl...
i dun have the charisma...
i have nothing...

other ppl complains bout life...
but i got nothing to complain...
coz i'm the complain in life...
i even ever felt guilty of being born...
i always think y am i born such way...
i have a gene of not being to express myself out...
i keep everything inside...
unknowingly i might hurt someone...
and ppl might unknowingly hurt me...
it's like a dagger being plunged into my heart...
i could even stop breathing for it...

i dunno y they have gud n interesting life...
but i had bored to hell life...
and yet they are already complaining bout their life...
telling me y are those things happening to them...
got ppl chase.... not gud?
got bf.... not gud?
got unbroken family... not gud?
got gud looks... not gud?
got frens that cared for u... not gud?
there's a way for u to go... but u chose to escape?

i dun understand y muz make thins so complicated...
i really dun understand alot of things...
even more worse things had happen to me...
i got backstabbed...
i got hurt...
i got ignored...
i got being treated as a practical joke...
i got being bullied...
i have to work so hard to have peaceful life...

ppl hu have lots of weird personal traits...
n still manage to get cared n loved...
n i hu have almost nothing but only an honest heart...
gets nothing...
how sad can my life be?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010 6/15/2010 11:54:00 AM

contented...

♥been very very contented lately...
not really very emo bout tat guy...
coz he apologised...
n bought me bubble tea...
i surely know some of u read my blog...
n mayb told him about it i guess...
well it was da past...

so past few weeks got not so much of things happening...
other than a huge function n our team get RM1000 for Tiger Trex...
weekends nothing much...
n i spend RM139 on crocs!!!
hahahahaha~
finally got a Crocs 2 wear for kitchen class...
but still cannot wear during chef farouk's class....
sobs.....
well it's ok...
still i have pastry class n functions 2 wear on...
haha...
tat's all~

Tuesday, June 8, 2010 6/08/2010 10:04:00 PM

y with the long face? wad a question.

♥i was fed up with da same person...
over n over again...
i juz dunno hw stupid n ignorant he can b...
n it makes me even more angrier when wad i said is not listened...
i cleaned his trash 2day...
n said thank u only when he was told..
n din even say it infront of me...
i said thanks for letting me wash his trash...
n he can still say welcome...

speaking nasty things all the way...
tolerating all the way...
but no1 knows how hurt it is...
coz they were never once in my shoes...
it hurts alot...
u guys can b happy go lucky...
but i can't...
coz i'm sensitive enuf...
n b4 i feel like goin happy go lucky...
it already hurt so much tat i couldn't even think bout going happy go lucky...

tis question always pop out when i see all these things happen...
y muz i mould myself to be some1 whom ppl like and not being my ownself...?
it will never happen...
unless is doing something good for a change...
but if i have 2 mould myself 2 b some1 bad...
it's never gonna happen...

n i often ask y ignorant ppl will ask other ppl 2 do so...
n mayb they're ignorant enuf 2 b like tat...
it juz does not make sense at all...
none at all...

fine i dun have da charisma...
i dun have da luck...
i dun have da fate in ppl...
my karma...
but is it tat worse until it screws my life???

i no strength 2 think ady...
fed up...

Monday, June 7, 2010 6/07/2010 11:51:00 PM

i hate him!

♥it's been very long i tolerate him...
coz of tolerance...
ignorance grew in him...
he thinks tat i am easy 2 get bullied...
yes i am....
but is it right??
i am used 2 get bullied...
but i still have limits...
it's juz not right...
coz of my tolerance...
n many ppl's tolerance...
u became so ignorant...
ppl might even think u're not childish...
but u are...

arguing with me makes u win over me...
i know u like it too...
coz there's satisfaction...
n i know i can't win u...
leaving bad thoughts over u...
in fact bcoz of u...
i'm causing bad karma...
coz of ur bad karma...
n my gud karma of tolerance...
giving my bad karma of bad thoughts over u....
i really dunno wad 2 say...

silent is not really my thing...
but for u....
i have 2 do so...
coz say u oso u will fight bak...
n i lose...
if i dun say anything...
u keep doing wad u're doing...
hurting ppl while not even know or cared...
can't u juz behave urself?

haihz...
long-term tolerance results incurable ignorance...

Sunday, June 6, 2010 6/06/2010 09:57:00 PM

weird weeks...

♥very long din update lo....
coz when i felt like updating...
i couldn't do so...
when i can update...
i got nothing 2 update...
it's been so long i never felt so restless...
i felt quite annoyed by some ppl...
coz i dunno they know how 2 think onot...
couldn't say so much here though...
coz my blog is no longer privatised...
n i dun even know hu read my blog....

sometimes i wish tat ppl could think wad's right n wad's wrong...
wad should b told n wad should not...
wad u shud know n wad u shud not...
sometimes are juz mumbles...
muz u know it too?
i have my own life n privacy...
n i rather keep it for myself than "sharing" it out...
things that i dun feel like sharing will not b shared...
coz it's no point telling u bout my life...
n when i feel tat i wanna tell u...
then i will tell...
so try not 2 dig wadever u wan...