Tuesday, September 30, 2008 9/30/2008 09:36:00 PM

我发现...

♥我发现，原来我是这么的想着你。不知道为什么，每次没在做东西的时候，第一个想的就是你。不知道你也是这样的吗？我常常都在想，你最近对我那么的冷酷，是不是嫌我烦呢？我其实也很怕失去你，真的真得很怕..... 但我又能做什么呢？我知道我有时是很冲动，但我知道那冲动的动作，是因为我真得很在乎你吧.... 可能我所作的一切可能满足不到你吧.... 有时呢，我真的希望你可以多多陪一陪我，但你就好像不知道我在想什么似的。那感觉好空虚哦.... 连我也很不喜欢。但我就是不能做些什么吧！就只能这么的等着.... 等了等，自己又开始胡思乱想了。想着，我是不是很烦？为什么对我那么的冷？知道我都在想什么的吗？没有想过我的感受吗？我常常都在抱怨，你就每次给我很不耐烦的回应，就真的没想过我吗？你就是不知道我有多痛苦吧？可能我这以来的容忍，都没用吧！我在想什么你可能也不知道吧！那也怎能怪你呢？因为我冲不告诉你嘛... 但为什么我都不告诉你你知道吗？我看应该是不知道吧！因为你常常都敷衍我啊... 要我怎么告诉你呢？？怎么告诉你我都在想什么呢？连我自己都开不了口呀！好心酸哦！唉！连写个部落格，都可以哭呢！那又能怎么样？你又不知道......

Monday, September 29, 2008 9/29/2008 10:14:00 AM

i think it won't b over yet...

♥i dunno i shud b happy or wad... but i know tat it's not over yet....

9/29/2008 01:48:00 AM

mayb it's not over yet...

♥well... so hard 2 express wad i'm feeling now... bcoz of my "chong dong"-ness... everything seems 2 b worsen by me... all i can do now.. is juz let time tell.....

Sunday, September 28, 2008 9/28/2008 06:47:00 PM

over...

♥i guess it's over... no matter how many msgs i send... i'll never get a reply from him... i tot i was kinda lucky 2 meet some1 like him... being loved by him... i guess i was wrong... so funny isn't it?? he can give me so many excuses before... n i still can bliv him... i'm juz a stupid gal! now he is still giving me excuses... i guess it doesn't matter anymore isn't it?? n it's juz so funny tat i dun even have da guts 2 call him!! haha...

sometimes wad my fren say is true too... it's juz me hu dun wanna listen 2 them... shud have made a preparation... so tat i wouldn't b tat sad after all... i know tis kind of relationship would not last long... coz it's so virtual... yet i took da risk... n i have 2 pay for da risk...

i ever thought tat tis would b my happiest times... being loved n loving some1... getting a chance 2 go out for a date... buying things which i like... having sweet times 2gether... but wad happiness i get is juz by text messaging... all these never even happen yet.. then it's over... i guess tis is wad i shud pay bah... a debt tat i owe for da risk i have taken...

now there's no more replies from him... no point sending any more msgs 2 get a proper explanation... mayb explanation will not even b usefull!

Saturday, September 27, 2008 9/27/2008 09:48:00 PM

weird...

♥2day... i went 2 One Utama instead of Time Square... yesterday my maple frens ask me whether wanna go out for movie in one utama... i was reluctant at first... coz i was supposed 2 go out with "some1"... but then da plan changed.. so i juz said 2 myself.. y not juz go out for awhile... rather staying at home thinking nonsense stuffs.. in d end i decided 2 go out...

so i spend quite a lot 2day... juz feel so weird lo 2day... feel like spending money like water... i bought anime again... n bought another 4 books!!! when i still have 1 more havent read yet!! then treat my frens popcorn n drinks... i said ady i will treat them... then they felt bad coz it was quite expensive... but i seriously dun mind lo... i sometimes mayb me a bit stingy.. but once in a while i still will b generous de... haha....

then when it comes 2 dinner... we went pizza hut.. so order lo... i ate 3 pieces of pizzas...(i always eat 1 only).. 2 bread sticks... then 1 soup plus a few more spoons from da extra soup... i was kinda surprise tat i can actually eat tat much... i might either b happy tat's y i eat so much.. or i am actually depress.. tat's y eat so much... coz i remember once i ate kinda a lot when i was depress... i tot i was juz thinking wrong... mayb it's true oso la... anyway... HU CARES??? rite??

it was kinda fun... but i realise i tok kinda little when i was out with frens 2day... mayb i was in silent mode for too long bah... dun feel like talking.... i am juz too weird 2day...... tat's all for da blog 2day...

every1.... juz live happily bah~!!

9/27/2008 10:39:00 AM

sickening...

♥u wan time.. i give u time.. say need rest... i let u rest... but wad i c is u can on9 play games rather than having a date with me... it's juz so sickening... i hate giving anymore hints!! can't u juz realise it urself?! muz i tell u everything until u realise how sickening is it?? i guess u juz dun love me anymore... games or frens r even more important is it?! it is so important until i can juz being left alone... yea.. i guess so bah... always say tat i care frens more than listening 2 u... now i dun care my frens so much n start 2 listen 2 u... u treat me bak like wad i treat u! fine!! i get da point already!! juz let time make our relationship fade away... i'm tired too! but do u know bout tat?? i told u b4... but i think u juz forgotten bout it bah!.. let c how much of "rest" u need!!!

Friday, September 26, 2008 9/26/2008 04:52:00 PM

distance....

♥me n him... suddenly feel tat there's something blocking us.. having obstacles... until we're now in a distance tat he is at d far end of the world... everytime we start msg-ing.. i can feel tat he dun even feel like caring bout wad i am doing wor wad... juz answer my msg simply... everytime when i start thinking... 'have i done anything wrong?' 'mayb he hates me now.' 'mayb he juz thinks tat i'm a noisy gal.' 'mayb i'm juz a leech 2 him.' 'mayb i juz dun understand him' 'but does he understand me?' 'does he know tat i'm actually suffering?' 'does he know tat whenever i think bout him i could juz cry?' 'does he know tat i'm sacrificing so many things?' 'does he know how i feel when he juz simply answer my msgs i feel so down?'

there's juz so many thing running into my mind... sometimes i'll juz think nonsense stuff.. when i cross any roads... how i wish a car would juz come n bang me... or mayb when i stand on high buildings.. i juz wish tat i could juz jump down from there.. or juz take a knife n start slicing myself.. seeing blood flowing would juz make me so much happier.. da pain of it might juz wash away da pain i am having inside my heart...

i juz really realise tat loving some1 is juz so much more pain than being loved... i was once being loved.. but now.. i guess there's no more... coz it's my turn 2 love some1... now i understand how pain is it.......

Saturday, September 20, 2008 9/20/2008 05:12:00 PM

wad's wrong??

♥i've been thinking a lot... have u ever think tat when u say bz.. i feel so sad coz i can't sms u... when u say u wanna go out n have fun with frens... i dun disturb u... when u say u need 2 work.. i understand tat i can't msg u... but when u finish work.. i also understand tat u're tired... so u need 2 rest... but do u ever know tat when i am busy... i still accompany u... when i need 2 study for my exams... i still accompany u... when i eat i oso accompany u.. although being scolded by frens coz i eat too slow... y?? coz i still reply ur msg... u know how happy am i when i c u msg me late at nite when i told u i haven't sleep?? u know i will still reply ur msg although how tired am i?? do u really know how i feel??? have u ever think of me??

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 9/16/2008 08:31:00 PM

PLZ RESPECT PPL LA!!

♥plz watch ur mouth la!!! being so tiao ke for wad!!! we were juz toking nicely la!!! muz b so debeh for wad!! care for other ppl's feelings la donk!!! now wad can i do?? write in blog n keep inside me only... coz i dunno how 2 b tiao ke ma!!! i am too stupid ma!!! but i at least know how 2 say sorry when i know i am wrong!

9/16/2008 07:19:00 PM

i have my own limits!!!

♥yesterday wasn't a gud day for me... i got pissed easily although it was juz a small matter.... wad's wrong if i msg ppl when i'm eating??? wad's with da attitide?? did i ever complain bout u guys??? can't i have my own privacy??? u know how hard 2 msg my bf when he is always working?? u guys can always get pissed ON me n can i get pissed on u guys?? i am always at da wrong place n the wrong time... i am always so innocent... u guys always have me 2 b a bean bag... 2 release ur anger at me... while me can only keep it inside.... coz i know getting pissed at some1 is not a gud or right thing...

it's not da 1st time happened 2 me neither 2nd.. u guys can make me like a fool... having me as a joke or a toy 2 make fun or wadever shit!!! but still i have my own limits!!! u guys too have limits u guyd think i dun?? laz time i got given by ppl a kind of look saying "so nice 2 bully tis gal"... plz think on my bahalf ok?? wadever u guys do... plz juz think on wad ppl will feel... being played or being a joke is not FUNNY!!!

n plz dun make any assumptions which is not right... wad i answer is always true... i know myself more than u!! do not make any false judement when u dun even know wad i am thinking or doing!!!

Sunday, September 14, 2008 9/14/2008 05:42:00 PM

we had a little fite again...

♥laz nite... we had a little fite again... i dunno am i doing da right thing or not?? i know u guys care bout me... tat's y call my frens 2 b with me when i go meet him... but since i trust him ady... i dun wanna have any suspicious-ness towards him... coz it will really hurt him... i'll c wad i decide on tat day ba...

i dunno i'm doing it correct onot.... i always let him do da things he wanna do... like when he is buzy... i say ok... go do ur stuffs... when he go out play basketball... i say ok... go bah.... when he say he wanna maple n earn money 4 his ex housemate... i juz got nth 2 say but juz say ok.... overything i say oso ok.... i never once say 'not ok' 2 him... coz i c from my fren's experience... guys dun like 2 b controlled... so everytime i put myself 2 a limit... on not being so kpc.... but actually deep inside me... i really wan him 2 at least spend some time with me...

i never wanna miss a chance on sms him... even when i'm eating or bath... but when he eats or buzy or anything... he'll wanna stop sms n do his stuffs 1st... then in my case... i always reply him... no matter how buzy i am... sometimes i'm juz so tired... i juz wan him 2 know how i feel... but still i dare not tell him... coz he is even more sensitive than me.... even more pessimistic than me....

aihz...... i'm always da 1 saying sorry coz i dun wan tis relationship 2 juz finish like tat.... whenever he say sorry i'm always da 1 saying tat i'm da 1 to be blame... it's always like tat....

i really dunno wad i am doing now is right or wrong... i juz dun wan him u feel being controlled... not having freedom n happiness... i dun wan him 2 feel tat way......

Saturday, September 13, 2008 9/13/2008 07:42:00 PM

i duno...

♥these few days had been thinking a lot... especially 2day... i dunno my decision is right or wrong 2 bliv some1 hu i never meet b4... all my frens say tat it is so dangerous... but still... it's my life rite?? i dunno.. i really dunno...

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 9/09/2008 07:55:00 PM

STRESS!!!

♥omg!!! it's so freaking stress la~~ aihz... so many assessments.... assignments.... ARGH!!!!!!! need study for moral... geography... kitchen terminology... accounts... business maths.... then moral again... food science!!!! F&B ASSIGNMENTS!!!!!!! OMG!!! so freaking stress....... =(

u guys think taking hospitality is easy??? no it's not!!! so many stuffs 2 do la!!!

aihz... guys... gud luck in anything bah... wish me luck too!!

Friday, September 5, 2008 9/05/2008 10:10:00 PM

tiring day...

♥These few days... i haven't been able 2 sleep well... have been waking up middle of the nite... then could not sleep bak... 2day i had a final test on my F&B subject... laz nite studied for so long... n i lost concentration on my test paper.... coz i was worried bout my bf...

Guys... am i too harsh on him?? i juz managed 2 know that he was admitted 2 da hospital again... coz got involve in an accident... the incident happened tis morning.. n afternoon i was only being told by him... b4 tat i still got angry 2 him... felt so bad... then after knowing it... i kinda lost concentration on my test... but nvm... i think i did i well...

Poor him... now in hospital... haihz.... thank god tat he's safe... juz a few stitches on d head... but body check-up is still needed... but u guys bliv onot?? tat i actually dreamt bout him (although din meet him yet) having severe head pain laz nite when i was sleeping... da next thing i know is he got involve in an accident then had some injuries on his head.... amazing rite?? Haihz.... shud have warned him earlier.... haihz....

Anyway... all's well ends well.... guys... all gud luck in everything...

Monday, September 1, 2008 9/01/2008 01:18:00 PM

29/08/2008

♥haha.... wanna know tis date gives me wad meaning ma??? it's da day where i accepted him after his 3rd attempt on asking me 2 b his gf... lol...

so we're now 2gether... happy guys?? those hu read my blog will know... but those hu din... hah... i'll c when da time comes then only i tell lu.... =p

wanna know y i rejected him twice?? actually it's coz i takut~~~~~~~ lol.... never paktor b4 suddenly one guy come say he like me... not takut ka??? sure la takut for me... furthermore me tak ada experience lei.....

anyway... for u all's info... we never tok on fon b4... neither meet b4.... geng hor??? wonder wad will happen when we actually meet up lei???

let it b u guys' imagination n also mine...
hehe^^

9/01/2008 01:10:00 PM

Yo Every1!!!

♥yo guys... finally i make a blogspot liao... woosh.... so guys.. come n view my blog often a bit... if i have da mood.. i might type in chinese... so so sry for those hu r "banana"s ... HAHA!!!!