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ppl never just understand my situation!!

2011-07-22T19:59:00.002+08:00

finally the time for me 2 write a blog has come.....
n everytime is such situation....
where never some1 hu can understand my situation.....
this situation last time ever happen....
i had 2 sacrifice wad i like to do...
n cried the whole night feeling sad for not doing it...

n now relatives keep bugging me n not knowing my situation....
there's so many things i have 2 do...
run here run there...
i have a college 2 satisfy...
i have a reputation to maintain....
then i have a mother hu i have 2 take care....
but y is it solely me hu's doing all these work?
u relatives can say all these things coz u never get all these situation b4...
n all putting everything on me....
nag nag nag....
say say say....
call me do this call me do that....
ever think that i have my limits oso???
u really pissed me off today....
n tried showing u that i'm pissed oso.....
i dun wanna say i have competition coz sure u'll say mother more important....
then another 1 can ask me stop studying so that i can take care of mum...
then u wanna make my life half hanging???
is that wad u want????
if u force me 2 make such decision....
i will hate u for life!!!!

WHATEVER!!!
no one even notice that my life is filled with suckiness...
my positive actions n speech makes ppl think that i'm strong....
c'mon! think! a strong wall 1 day will still break down!!!

wah so long!!!

2011-05-21T14:12:00.002+08:00

whao!!! it's been SO SO SO FREAKIN' LONG i din update anything!
the last time i update was bout how mad i was...
then in between that and now...
i think kinda alot happened...
and lots of things kinda went well coz i think i managed to overcome it...

well... as u guys hu reads my blog...
will know that i WAS in pursuit to London for WorldSkills Competition...
n now... i'm a free gal!
i lost to him... (well can say i did it on purpose)
the environment was juz not for me...
i dun feel belonged...
i dun feel guided...
i feel like i'm working instead...
it's so tight up!

so now i'm back to hu i was...
back to college to join Penang's Battle of the Chefs competition...
i was left with 2 weeks to practice...
and 1 week juz gone...
not much time left...
and i was being expected 2 bring gold back...
2 blardy golds!
ARGH!!! that kinda sucks!!!!
coz i wouldn't wanna disappoint any1...
i may be the person who "win win, lose lose lahh" ...
but sometimes it's bout doing what i'm best at...
and getting acknowledge it...
and get proved by...
if i did all those and i still lose....
maybe i'm not good...
or maybe i'm not accepted to the public yet...
that's all...

and i'm not that great either...
i'm juz surrounded with people hu helped me alot...
and i thank them heartfully!!

that's all... juz thought of dropping by.... =D

i hate u...

2011-03-10T21:05:00.002+08:00

i receive a msg during lunch time...
and that msg made me a criminal again...
laz time i bcame a criminal coz i love to go college so much...
where i can spend at least 12hours in college...
and it bcame a crime...
then i love to have dinner with frens and chat...
it became a crime...
then i love culinary...
it also bcame a crime coz i hardly go bak home early....

now... 1 week 7 days...
5 days i go back home after work immediately...
1 day i go find my frens n end up reaching home late...
1 day i go for college for class and also end up reaching home...
5 out of 7 days i was trying my best to be as good as i can...
and u only remember the 2 days that i went back home late...
which made me a criminal for being out with my frens...

i go college early in d morning coz i need to avoid jam....
how would u know as u dun travel with me everyday???
i had to go college early coz there's no parking and i have 2 preserve the car as good as i can....
but how would u know the parking system in taylors is juz that sucky???
i had 2 go out for work early just to avoid jam and get myself a parking...
eventhough my work start at 10...
how would u know that i could get stuck in a jam??
or i have 2 risk the car and my worries whole day if i park at road side???
how would u know???
and how would u know that eventhough i said i work 10 to 6...
and do u think that i juz need to go out at 10 and reach back home at 6?
and how would i know whether i can finish work at 6 sharp??
i work shift... i dun work office admin...
please understand my work situation...
but unfortunately YOU ALL DON'T!!!

SO STOP ASSUMING SO MANY THINGS!!
there's only 24hours a day...
i spent 8 hours of work AT LEAST...
1 and half hour on the road AT LEAST...
and 2hours of waiting for shift to start...
da rest of the time is suppose to be my sleeping time...
and i have to study! do assignments! gosok kasut at work!
n now u're putting me another more commitment...
I HAVE MORE THINGS TO HANDLE THAN U!
Y NOT U DO IT???
dun assume so many things where u dun even know the real story!

I AM SO TOTALLY PISSED OF U!!!

1st post after 1 and half month of slackness...

2011-02-20T19:58:00.002+08:00

so i was SO BUSY with my life back then...
went for Nestle Professional Culinary Arts Awards 2011...
and took back a title...
was greatful...
i was very eager to win...
coz i hate losing....
i don't wanna lose to anyone that time...
so i pressured up myself alot...
till i even fall sick n lost my voice....
then when they day of competition...
i just had this feeling that i don't care anymore...
and just do my best....
there was some mistakes and hard times...
but pulled it through thank to my friends and lecturers...
with all the support i received....
i made everyone proud...

then after the competition was done...
that was the greatest moments in my life by far....
it felt a release....
winning or losing did not matter anymore....
i was proud of myself and my team...
i still remember that moment....
i was so joyfull...
until the night of the result ceremony....
then my battle was back on standby mode...

so i won and get a chance to get trained in Le Meridien Hotel...
together with Aiman who was the 1st runner-up....
who was being expected to have even more experience than me...
coz he did went through ALOT of competition...
and i only did once...
bravo to you too...
but good luck to both of us....
i really do wish u will get to get World Skills Competition though...
coz ur commitment in competition is so much more greater than me...
but we will still fight the battle together aye??

so now i'm in Le Meridien...
training as apprentice and also studying for my Advance Diploma....
i guess i was very attached to college....
i spent most of my time in college for the past few months...
and now suddenly i had to miss classes and only go back once a week...
it makes me "college sick" u know....
the attachment is juz too strong...
how i wish i lost and i can carry on with my life....
but still i hate to lose....
such a dillemma.....

anyway!
new year passed....
and i bought myself a new iPod Touch 4G....
AND my SE Satio!!!
now i feel like i'm a gadget gal....
with so many things in my pocket...
my prize money oso dried up....
angpao money only left some...
shall keep more more money....
and get myself another 1Terra External Hardisk!!
hahahahahaha!

oh well my life's been a mess lately....
slowly adjusting....
wish myself all the best...
and also ADC team.... =D

Why?

2011-01-08T23:47:00.002+08:00

i left my blog for so long ady....
every since came back from France...
i had already fight to get a position in the competition...
and i got it....

now... after 1 month of practicing...
i still haven't perfected it...
it's so stress....
and competition is juz around the corner...
da brioche i made...
never been perfected...
and i am left with 1 more practice only...

if i dont win...
wadever that i fight for is juz wasted...
and if i dont win...
my chef will lose his pride...
and if i dont win...
taylors will hate me...
and if i dont win...
i've lost my dignity too.....

competition is all about proving urself...
that's wad my chef told me...
and it's about proving myself...
i dont wanna lose 2 ppl too...
coz if i do...
i have no place 2 put my face ady...
i have to do it...
really have 2 do it...

there's not 1st place or 2nd place or 3rd place...
it's either u win... or u lose...
every1 is hoping me to win...
every1...
and if i dont...
it sucks...

then...
issues by issues juz keep on appear...
a fren suddenly wouldn't wanna talk 2 me...
reason till now...
remained unknown...
ask his fren...
his fren don't know bout it...
maybe i should 4get it then...
it's been bothering me alot...
he's been talking 2 ppl...
but not me...
i really......
speechless la.....
haihz...
can't get over it until i really get 2 know da reason behind it...
it's torturing...

now...
i rather make myself so bz to forget most of the things...
i rather over stressing myself so that i could be so tired until i couldn't think..
i rather starve myself so that i have something to think about when i'm at home...
i'm bak to self torturing...
it makes me feel better sometimes...

i know it's silly of me...
coz it's only 1 fren...
but it ever happened laz time...
and i felt so sad coz i've already put some trust into tat person...
and i told myself tat i wouldn't do that again...
but end up couldn't help it...
coz i've trusted some1 again...
and now....
every since that msg...
suddenly i felt a piece of glass being shattered on the floor...
till now that glass hasn't been mend yet...
it even cut me when i try 2 mend it...

time will tell.....
Time will really tell someday of wad is happening......

*sign off*

i need more time...

2010-12-06T22:32:00.002+08:00

it's been so long tat i did not blog...
can say i'm very very occupied until i have no time for negative thoughts...
or even positive thoughts...
been so busy....
been practicing with my competition...
and alot of things are not finalised yet...
i really do wish that there's more time...

everytime when i'm doing my mis-en-place...
suddenly i'll feel like crying...
or juz give up...
i'm really really very tired...
and then i'll start to wonder y did i even get myself into such mess...
but then it's still a stepping stone...
from there i'll get lots of opportunities (i think)...

i hope everything will be better...
i really need rest...
tired...
stress.....

Bonne Courage Eelynn!!!

back to Msia...

2010-11-24T10:43:00.002+08:00

it's been a while i did not update any post...
life has been busy and contented at da same time i guess...
but then now when back msia...
family commitments had came back to it's own reality...
i understand that outside there there's ppl hu are so committed in thei family at young age...
perhaps they had no choice....
or perhaps they could compromise with it...
and i'm tat type that could not do such thing...
it's too huge for me...
i'm not even earning my own salary yet...
n i'm trying 2 make my future brighter...

everytime i get 2 involve with school activities...
that will show ppl that how active and passion i am...
a family commitment juz bug into my life...
it did not juz happen once...
but a few times...

she always say that we're not close 2 each other...
coz we don't interact like how a lovely family would do...
but have u ever realised how hard i have 2 keep up with my studies?
juz 2 get a recognition from my own family...
i did not get recognition from my family...
but i get recognition from frens...
frens are juz not enough 2 make me motivated...
tat's when family comes 2 place...

well my family is not even a lovely 1...
i can't expect much of it either...
and yet they're always expecting so much from me...
and not giving me some encouragement...
coz they dun understand da nature of my course...
da stress is so huge...
trying 2 fight for a place for competition...
n it's so hard...
coz every1 is so good....

STRESS!

walking around town...

2010-11-05T01:37:00.002+08:00

2 days ady walking around town aimlessly...
but ytd went to the Jardin des Plantes / Musee Toulouse...
see alot of things...
but most of da things are fake...
n da plants there all dying off coz it's already autumn...

it's nice 2 walke aimlessly...
walk 2 da wrong road and found some interesting places...
it's quite fun but it's tiring also...
2day went 2 all those sex shop coz my fren wanna go...
but end up me standing outside da shop waiting for my frens 2 see finish...

now waiting for porridge 2 cook...
finally there's something super asian for us 2 eat....
that's all for 2day...
will post more bout feelings next update...
=)

zhadao results...

2010-11-01T22:20:00.003+08:00

i get a msg yesterday saying that results are out...

and i did not expect it to be so zhadao...

is it 'cause we're in a semester instead of term...

so results are only used in grades???

i prefer having like da 20 baseline mark...

like we usually used it in Diploma....

it's such a sudden change that i oso don't believe it myself...

and imagine me getting gpa of 4.00...

is that insane??

if after it's official and it is really 4.00...

i am really speechless...

1st time in the family with 4.00...

i shud give myself a pat on the shoulder....

ps: i'm not bragging ah.... i just can believe it if it is really true...

worked for 1 day after a off day...

and tomorrow another off day for 1 day...

then i'm back to work again...

it's not that bad after all...

8 more working days left...

Motivated~

*My Fallen Secrets....

Secrets....

2010-11-01T02:09:00.003+08:00

Been in France for almost 7 weeks...
learnt so much about people...
and i learnt alot about secrets...
there are so many secrets going around...
if i was still my old me...
i would be running around asking alot of questions...
questions just to dig out all da secrets...
and in the end i will end up hurting myself...
'cause there's a possibility that the secret is about me...

the now me knows that digging out secrets...
is a no-go situation...
'cause when after you know it...
it hurts...
so why not just prevent it from happening...
but letting everything go...
and just carry on with our lives...
that's what i'm trying to practice here...

i'll try to concentrate on the "change"...
i heard about this topic by Reverend Mahinda...
"change"...
when you make your mind so mindful that you can actually notice the "change"..
and from that "change" i'll evaluate is it a good or bad...
then we let go of it...
'cause by letting go of it...
it makes us practise impermenance...

so now everything is changing...
it can be something materialistic...
or something abstract...
i just need to notice it...

as i said...
alot of things happened in these 7 weeks...
alot of changes...
all i need is to adapt it...
evaluate what is right and wrong...
and carry on with my life...

*This is my Fallen Secrets.....

french ppl are nasty!!!

2010-10-27T20:11:00.002+08:00

laz time when i work in villa...
i dun even feel this miserable...
i only felt miserable on da 1st week...
after that i love villa so much...

now i go pastry...
everyday seems to be soooooooooooo miserable!
i juz got scolded by him ytd due to allowance issue...
after that he juz dun like communicating with me anymore...
eventhough i can get 300euro per month... (it's suppose 2 b 350)
n he agrees on giving me...
he still have this cold behaviour towards me...
lucky i only work 5hours a day...
at least i dun have 2 see him so long...

then 2day a thought juz came 2 me when i was doing stuffs...
french ppl always complain coz they have their freedom of speech...
then us msians hu go france 2 work have no right 2 get wad we deserve..
then when we complain 2 get wad we're suppose 2 get...
they give us anger and 1 kind of look....
i juz dun understand...
y r they so selfish!

i can really sense that he dun like me...
2day whole day keep ask me do thing fast...
muz b active...
bla bla bla...
then he demo his way of "activeness"...
is more like doing things fast while having a whole lot of bangings!
haihz...
nvm... 12 more days...

gambateh giler~

love it... or hate it....

2010-10-25T00:43:00.002+08:00

France...
all say that it will be a very good experience...
yes indeed i learn the culture of france...
but no i dun learn much in gastronomy...
i came here 2 learn wad is related to my course...
n out of scale 1 to 10...
i can say i only learn 3??

it was not long ago that i found out i can only get 200euros from my pastry...
it was another fruatration...
i dont even know who to blame on...
taylors? pascal? frederic? hu???
we were promised to be taken care of...
and wad we get??
paperworks not settled...
last minute problems...
accomodation n food ownself settle...
then y on earth did we ever come 2 france???
at da start of it i did not really feel da urge 2 complain...
but then now...
things are way different...
coz i'm da victim involved...

once i'm out here...
i really do wanna make full use of it...
coz i know that i may not have da chance to come out again...
i have 2 work my ass off for years...
to let me go overseas...
n 1st time being in overseas...
da frustration came...

i learnt alot of things...
not related to da course...
but alot of things in life...
i made so many rules for myself...
that once it's not happening like what it has to...
i get pretty upset...
and alot has happened unexpectedly...
it sucks... Big Time it SUCKS....

i have to cope with it...
i'm always having tis bad luck...
bad karma i guess...
n seeing ppl get wad they deserved n i dont...
it's really heartache...
coz i know that i've put effort in everything i do...
yet i'm not saying they dont...
but i did wad i suppose 2 do...
n i dun get wad i deserve...
on d other hand...
i have 2 give ppl bak of wad they deserve...

oh well...
like my own rule...
if i dun wan that 2 happen on me...
i make sure i dun do that 2 ppl...
another sacrifice that i have 2 make...

heartache...
i need ice cream soon...

ciao~

life sucks in France...

2010-10-23T02:31:00.002+08:00

haihz...
life seriously suck in france...
so many things happened unexpectedly wrong...
allowance getting less than expected...
being back stabbed...
stupid manifestation... make me need walk 2 work everyday...
have 2 b some1 that i'm not to...
have to tolerate so many things...

money is an issue now...
frustrated...
hope all problems will b solved...

c'est tout...

dulan..

2010-10-11T04:37:00.002+08:00

abit dulan with da ppl here...
i dun find them coz i feel extra with them...
n tat's y i always rather b alone...
even in msia...
n now they plan things without telling me...
eventhough i on9 da whole day...
sometimes it's very dulan...
now my plan is disrupted coz 2mr not washing clothes...
n i have 2 wash it 2mr...
very great...

they have plans for 2mr...
n now only tell me...
dun really like eventhough it's not last minute...
but i take time 2 make my mind in control bout it...
coz da plan juz suddenly got planned out without me...
i had no idea bout it...
well... i guess i have 2 deal with it...
2mr if after tat all stay at home...
i'm gonna go out n chill...
even if i'm alone...
n it's even better if i'm alone....

time 2 relax with all these fuss....

it's finally end of 3rd week...

2010-10-10T17:38:00.002+08:00

cleaned my room after 3 weeks....
not tat dirty actually...
juz some dirt on da floor...
dun think i'm gonna mop it... =p

so it's d end of da 3rd week...
gonna start my 4th week soon....
get 2 think bout it...
da weather is not tat cold after all....
not so sure bout da next coming week...
but it's seriously not cold...
or mayb i got used 2 it ady...

haihz...
bought so many long john...
n i only used it for da 1st few days when i was not used 2 cold weather...
really need 2 buy something for my mum...
she spent so much on me...
n i dun fully utilised wad she had bought for me too....

get 2 think of it....
we spent almost 4k 2 stay in france...
well 4k is ady da plane fare...
and plus some etc misc stuffs like accomodation and metro card...
4k....
and we only get 350 euro each month...
it's very very little....
it's not even enuf 2 cover up da plane fare....

so with da 700 euros in total...
i'm gonna get my mum a nice wallet....
wanted 2 get her a handbag...
but so scared she wouldn't like it...
n i have a feeling tat she wont use it tat often too...
if she really wants 1...
when i go bak only buy her 1 then...

then i'll get myself 1 wallet too...
as for handbag...
it's too pricy...
so now need get 2 gucci wallets...
for my mum and me....
it's already almost 600 euros....

so da rest of it will buy some stuffs for my family and frens...
but still....
it's not so worth of experience... and also money...
not as worth as wad we had expected...

so yea...
2day's a rainy day...
my chef say it's gonna rain 2day...
and it's really true!
wonder he's a weather forecast onot...
haha!
wanted 2 go 2 da museum...
coz it's free entry for Sundays...
but too bad....
i'm left with next sunday...

1 more week and i'm out of Villa Tropezienne...
dunno it's a gud thing or a bad thing....
oh well...
everything has it's own sacrifice...

tat's all....

i hate ppl use da word "please"

2010-10-04T19:02:00.002+08:00

i dun like ppl 2 use da word "please" 2 me....
coz for me if some1 uses da word "please'...
it's when tat person dun wanna do it...
n it's like me dun wanna do it...
n being begged 2 do it...
really hate it...

but when french use s'il vous plait/ s'il ta plait....
it sounded different...
it sounded like they sincerely asked us 2 help....
then when they change 2 english saying "please"...
really dun like it....
next time muz tell them 2 use french instead of english more...
i dun mind being unable 2 understand them at all...

but sometimes is i really dunno where is da thing they r saying...
n u keep saying da same thing which i dun understand...
y not juz 4get it n get it ur own self?????
u stupid lazy reckless guy....
AHHH!!! dun say something stupid n thinks it's funny...
COZ IT'S NOT FUNNY AT ALL~!!!

grrr..... geram...
k tat's all for now...
need manually wash some clothes coz it's raining until cannot go out wash...

breakdown

2010-10-04T01:57:00.002+08:00

i've been having some breakdowns every week...

i guess i really do miss home alot...

it's been 2 weeks...

and 3rd week is coming...

there's another 6 more weeks 2 go...

work place is not tat bad...

they do treat me very gud...

but i hate it when i have 2 do things very fast...

i admit i'm slow..

anyway....

i hate split shift....

i have 3 hours break...

but i takes me almost half an hour 2 reach bak home...

then i need another half an hour 2 go bak work...

1hour gone ady....

go home rest 2 hours....

sometimes even less than tat...

very alang-alang sia....

so i can't wait 2 go pastry...

might work like shit....

but at least is 7am-1pm only...

2 weeks left until i leave Villa Tropezienne...

i like da ppl there.... (but i do hate some of them)

1 day muz take pictures of them...

n mayb get something from there 2 bring bak msia...

alot of things happened in France...

get 2 understand da rest of them more too...

n so many of it do go agains my principle...

n some do get on my nerves too...

but wad can i do...

juz need keep it silent and let time pass...

n everything will b fine... (except for my own consciousness....)

well anyway tat's all for now...

will update more when i feel like again...

My Ruby Red Dell Studio 15

2010-08-28T21:54:00.003+08:00

my new laptop....
BUT CAN ONLY GET IT ON 14th Sept!!!!!!!
and i'm flying 2 france on 16th!!!
not even sure they will send me on 14th onot...
sobs......
well it's not really my dream laptop...
coz most my frens have it...
and 1 of them even have da same colour...
wad 2 do....
i love red... u love red too... =p

but very frustrated....
can only get it on 14th/15th....
or even worse....
can only get it on 16th...
OR LATER THAN THAT!!
if it comes after 16th....
then i can't bring it to france.... =(
*keep fingers cross* hope it wont happen...

been almost quite busy...
need do alot of "paper work" for france...
need make meetings juz 2 meet 2 get all documents ready...
2mr too....
2day's gonna b my last day using tis HP mini...
thx my fren for lending it 2 me...
yea it does saves lives....
including mine....
after that will b going 2 Penang with frens...
hope 2 get a relaxing n enjoyable "vacation"...
it's da only time for relaxing...

alrite...
tat's all....
gonna miss u bloggie....
hope can get my laptop b4 i go France...
then at least could keep in touch with every1....

Carcassone, France...

2010-08-23T20:23:00.003+08:00

gonna go training soon....
confirmed my placement few days ago....
which is in Carcassone.... somewhere in France... LOL~
if they dun change place then should b there la....
here's some pics i found in google juz 2 share....it's kinda pretty....
but i heard nothing 2 do there....
so see can survive with da work load onot lu~

oh ya....
i getting my new laptop soon~!!!!
muahahahahhaahaha~
so excited....
but then it's gonna b da same colour as my fren's....
RED!!!
excited excited~
wheeeeeee~

your mouth hurts ppl...

2010-08-18T10:10:00.002+08:00

i have been sick since thursday...
then i went 2 see doctor 2 days ago...
doctor say : if ur sickness still continues... i may need to diagnose u with H1N1...
i was like "LOL"....
anyway.... tooke medicine...
cough medicine made my hands shake during exams....
even now it's still shaking....
hope 2 get well soon...
so no need take any more medicine...

2 more test 2mr...
then it's FREEEE

....

2010-08-16T15:58:00.002+08:00

been so sick since thursday...
i got fever for 2 nights since thursday...
only ytd was almost close 2 fine...
2day still very dead..
but i still need 2 study...
hate getting sick during exam...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*moments of alone-ness*
u always think u're right aye?
n always ask ppl y muz b always right...
yea u use ur mouth 2 survive...
sometime ur mouth is juz hurting ppl alot...
i dunno wad 2 say...
ur principles...
ur life...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

bak 2 study...

My principles/habits...

2010-08-10T22:02:00.002+08:00

i dun like sleeping in car... coz it's disrespecting the driver... (coz he cannot sleep n drives s around n we still sleep like pig?)
u can sleep in my car.... but i dun sleep in ppl's car (unless i'm super tired)
i like doing things ahead of time (i dun like last minute)
i dun eat dishes when my rice is finished (coz there's still other ppl eating)
when a decision is made... it's already registered in my mind (if change.. i'll b in bad mood)
i admit i'm kiasu... but i still know how 2 keep it 2 myself...
i bz body keep nag... means i cared... (u mou diu? not my problem)
i dun like selfish ppl.... (only think bout themselves' own gud... but never think bout other ppl)
i dun like ppl 2 bother me
i can help u... but only until a certain limit (i'll see u're worth helping onot)
i dun simply give my work 2 ppl (coz da effort i put is too much and it's too easy 2 juz give u all my work)

**tat's all now (not in gud mood)

i never thought i would complain bout him...

2010-08-02T22:56:00.002+08:00

lately been going out...
go out alot with them...
play alot with them...
talk alot with them...
and know alot about them too

yeala i know i talk big...
but my talk big is juz playing around wor...
muz always fight me?
ppl hu know me well...
will know tat i dun talk mean 2 ppl...
but i oso very kiasu...
kiasu a very bad thing meh??
need zhat me till i cry???
i can u know...
almost ady...
but i kept quiet...
i was quiet for some while...
need keep face after saying something??
for me yes face very important...
but i have nothing 2 lost if i dun keep...
i am very small gas...
n i dun care...
coz it's me...

i got so quiet ytd tat i got nothing 2 say...
coz i feel tat u're so selfish...
coz u always say u think bout ppl...
but all i see is u thinking bout urself...
n u dun feel a thing??

then another 1 say i fake...
but i did not...
tat's juz how i play...
coz i dun care how many cards are out...
i dun count...
i juz go for it...
then say i fake???
i really dunno wad 2 do....

it really do feel hurt...
i really dunno y...
all juz blame on me....
I JUZ DUN UNDERSTAND!!!

haihz... juz hate it la....
be like them oso kena say...
b myself oso wrong...
really dunno...

hate...

2010-07-31T16:36:00.003+08:00

long time din update blog...
been so bz lately due to projects and assignments again...
went to various places to on9 and do work...
spent alot of money too..
n now i'm in The Mines...
lol! soon might go Midvalley...

anyway... my blog is not about writing my own personal life...
but only bout personal feelings...
there's so much of jumbled up feelings...
my dad recently played facebook...
after adding him...
seen kinda alot of "fake" information..
well i dunno it's really fake or it's juz real...
he had done so many awful things until it's so hard 2 feel tat he's bak to being gud...
so i do feel tat it's gud that he really turned into some1 gud...
i really do hope so...

then bout frens...
been out very often...
mix with frens that i could mix with...
but mayb i did left some of the frens out...
but i'm sorry coz mayb i juz couldn't click with u bah...

then some on9 frens...
long time no on oso due to laptop crashed...
now still surveying for gud laptops...
but trying 2 save money for mum too...
so long i din on plurk and see some stuffs that i feel it's a professional slut...
i dun like it to b honest...
tat's y i dun chat already...
i dunno how 2 chat anymore...
furthermore i feel tat u're boasting so much...
ur boasting is like u said it out...
when ppl say "wahhhhhhhh"....
then u deny it???
it's like wad??? no wonder ppl say u're faking...
i think it has bcome a habit after all...
n it's so true when my fren say that when it comes to a certain age...
u'll b thinking tat "that's me... i juz can't change it"...
bliv me...
ppl do change...
it's juz tat u couldn't see it...
i really do hope u will think reasonably...
coz i do know deep down inside u...
u're a gud kid...
n u reminded me of myself when i was younger...
dun go in too far...
coz u'll get hurt even more...

as i told earlier in my post...
i was in The Mines' Old Town White Coffee....
then now i'm in Starbucks in Borders of The Gardens Midvalley...
cool isn't it??

alright...
think it's bak to serious work...
update when i feel like to...

emo again?

2010-07-09T03:13:00.003+08:00

long time din post ady lo....

nothing much to update about...

as i dun really need 2 update everyday...

i have alot to post...

but everytime i get rid of wadever i wanted 2 write about...

juz by chatting or watching series...

or even talking by myself...

i understand alot of things myself...

but i dun get why muz i always make myself sad...

mayb coz by doing so...

it fills up da hole on my chest...

i know it's all karmic effect...

but a small part inside me always doubt it...

and it tend 2 make me think too much...

i'm always jealous bout ppl...

coz they have the charisma, money, luck, looks, frens, family...

n all i have is sensitivity.

i question alot of things about myself...

n those questions are still unanswerable...

i'm waiting for those answers.....

jealousy...

2010-06-27T11:31:00.002+08:00

these few days....
i did alot of wonderings...
ppl can get credits from what i did...
ppl can get attention from what they do...
even though it's juz a small little thing...
they have the charm and charisma...
and i don't....
how long must i need to live alone like this?
i may have a family last time...
but now... i dun even think i owned a family...
even my own family don't understand me...
only sometimes...
but my true feelings...
i dun think they even know bout it...
coz we never talk to each other...
exchanging opinions doesn't make much help...

i juz dun have it...
n i'm jealous bout ppl hu has it...
y can't i have it????
WHY???
it's been killing me for years wondering this...
n often i try to forget it...
sometimes it works...
but sometimes it juz comes back again...
haihz...

long time din feel so emo...

2010-06-22T22:52:00.004+08:00

long time i din feel jealousy in my heart ady...
i have alot of personal traits that even i couldn't explain...
i dun like ppl to question me...
i dun like ppl to fight me bak...
i like to win...
i dun like losing...
i dun understand why ppl think so differently from me...
i dun understand why other ppl have greater life than mine...
i dun understand why am i born like this...
i dun understand why certain ppl are so ignorant...
i dun understand why they never think bout other...
i dun understand why i understand other ppl more than ppl understand me...
i dun understand why ppl have the same level of egoism as me...
i dun understand why ppl dun listen to me...
i dun understand why i'm not the person to get talked to...
i dun have a fren hu i can talk to...
i dun have a someone to speak out what's inside me...
i choose people to talk to...
i always wanted attention, and attention never came to me...
i dun have the luck with ppl...
i dun have the charisma...
i have nothing...

other ppl complains bout life...
but i got nothing to complain...
coz i'm the complain in life...
i even ever felt guilty of being born...
i always think y am i born such way...
i have a gene of not being to express myself out...
i keep everything inside...
unknowingly i might hurt someone...
and ppl might unknowingly hurt me...
it's like a dagger being plunged into my heart...
i could even stop breathing for it...

i dunno y they have gud n interesting life...
but i had bored to hell life...
and yet they are already complaining bout their life...
telling me y are those things happening to them...
got ppl chase.... not gud?
got bf.... not gud?
got unbroken family... not gud?
got gud looks... not gud?
got frens that cared for u... not gud?
there's a way for u to go... but u chose to escape?

i dun understand y muz make thins so complicated...
i really dun understand alot of things...
even more worse things had happen to me...
i got backstabbed...
i got hurt...
i got ignored...
i got being treated as a practical joke...
i got being bullied...
i have to work so hard to have peaceful life...

ppl hu have lots of weird personal traits...
n still manage to get cared n loved...
n i hu have almost nothing but only an honest heart...
gets nothing...
how sad can my life be?

contented...

2010-06-15T11:54:00.002+08:00

been very very contented lately...
not really very emo bout tat guy...
coz he apologised...
n bought me bubble tea...
i surely know some of u read my blog...
n mayb told him about it i guess...
well it was da past...

so past few weeks got not so much of things happening...
other than a huge function n our team get RM1000 for Tiger Trex...
weekends nothing much...
n i spend RM139 on crocs!!!
hahahahaha~
finally got a Crocs 2 wear for kitchen class...
but still cannot wear during chef farouk's class....
sobs.....
well it's ok...
still i have pastry class n functions 2 wear on...
haha...
tat's all~

y with the long face? wad a question.

2010-06-08T22:04:00.002+08:00

i was fed up with da same person...
over n over again...
i juz dunno hw stupid n ignorant he can b...
n it makes me even more angrier when wad i said is not listened...
i cleaned his trash 2day...
n said thank u only when he was told..
n din even say it infront of me...
i said thanks for letting me wash his trash...
n he can still say welcome...

speaking nasty things all the way...
tolerating all the way...
but no1 knows how hurt it is...
coz they were never once in my shoes...
it hurts alot...
u guys can b happy go lucky...
but i can't...
coz i'm sensitive enuf...
n b4 i feel like goin happy go lucky...
it already hurt so much tat i couldn't even think bout going happy go lucky...

tis question always pop out when i see all these things happen...
y muz i mould myself to be some1 whom ppl like and not being my ownself...?
it will never happen...
unless is doing something good for a change...
but if i have 2 mould myself 2 b some1 bad...
it's never gonna happen...

n i often ask y ignorant ppl will ask other ppl 2 do so...
n mayb they're ignorant enuf 2 b like tat...
it juz does not make sense at all...
none at all...

fine i dun have da charisma...
i dun have da luck...
i dun have da fate in ppl...
my karma...
but is it tat worse until it screws my life???

i no strength 2 think ady...
fed up...

i hate him!

2010-06-07T23:51:00.002+08:00

it's been very long i tolerate him...
coz of tolerance...
ignorance grew in him...
he thinks tat i am easy 2 get bullied...
yes i am....
but is it right??
i am used 2 get bullied...
but i still have limits...
it's juz not right...
coz of my tolerance...
n many ppl's tolerance...
u became so ignorant...
ppl might even think u're not childish...
but u are...

arguing with me makes u win over me...
i know u like it too...
coz there's satisfaction...
n i know i can't win u...
leaving bad thoughts over u...
in fact bcoz of u...
i'm causing bad karma...
coz of ur bad karma...
n my gud karma of tolerance...
giving my bad karma of bad thoughts over u....
i really dunno wad 2 say...

silent is not really my thing...
but for u....
i have 2 do so...
coz say u oso u will fight bak...
n i lose...
if i dun say anything...
u keep doing wad u're doing...
hurting ppl while not even know or cared...
can't u juz behave urself?

haihz...
long-term tolerance results incurable ignorance...

weird weeks...

2010-06-06T21:57:00.002+08:00

very long din update lo....
coz when i felt like updating...
i couldn't do so...
when i can update...
i got nothing 2 update...
it's been so long i never felt so restless...
i felt quite annoyed by some ppl...
coz i dunno they know how 2 think onot...
couldn't say so much here though...
coz my blog is no longer privatised...
n i dun even know hu read my blog....

sometimes i wish tat ppl could think wad's right n wad's wrong...
wad should b told n wad should not...
wad u shud know n wad u shud not...
sometimes are juz mumbles...
muz u know it too?
i have my own life n privacy...
n i rather keep it for myself than "sharing" it out...
things that i dun feel like sharing will not b shared...
coz it's no point telling u bout my life...
n when i feel tat i wanna tell u...
then i will tell...
so try not 2 dig wadever u wan...

understanding...

2010-05-31T22:17:00.002+08:00

*i understand wad's suppose 2 do...*
*but sometimes i rather do wad i wan 2 do..*
*it's wad i am...*
*n ppl have 2 understand me instead...*
****mumbles of myself****

anyway... i got addicted to "coffee prince" lately...
coz i watched 1 episode in animax...
then i tend to wonder...
y is dramas so dramatic sia...
n they can cry for so many days for juz 1 reason...

i sort of envy them all da time...
can juz cry whenever they wan...
can juz do wadever they wan..
no need hide...
juz do it...
no logic sense at all...
isn't it gud?
n i always tot y i'm not like tat...

nahh... it's abit too gurly for me...
but i still have some gurly side though aye...
i guess only myself knows tat...
o.O
n i do wonder does any1 knows tat too~
i'll leave it 2 wonder around...
bak 2 pps~
see yas~

rotten!

2010-05-31T08:38:00.002+08:00

ok it's been awhile since i've updated my blog...
will post up some pictures by end of this week bah...

so after thursday class...
i went bak home...
i mean damansara home...
coz friday was wesak day...
i was a lil' bit upset...
coz i always tot tat going bak 2 damansara...
is sort of a day for me 2 rest from my hectic weekdays...
well too bad it's never...
due 2 my mum's condition now...

so i went 2 BUBS with my mum for wesak day...
hear some Dhamma talk by Bhante Kumara...
then did Dana...
ate lunch and went home...
i was slacking almost all da time on friday...
coz i got so tired...
n took a very long nap...
coz day b4 i was already tired of kitchen class...
then when reach midnite...
while i was mapling...
a lovely guildmate ask my help 2 do da blogskin...
for the guild...
so i do do do...
do do do....
do until 3am...
then only kaotim...
end up i dun have enuf time 2 sleep...

then anyway...
suppose 2 go out with my frens for dinner n movies...
end up me getting sick...
=.=
sienz sia...
2nd time ady i sick when wan go out...
i got stomach upset da whole day...
when da day end...
i got a lil bit appetite...
then i got flu and fever...
=.=
so end up taking 5 tablets of vitamin C, 2 tablets of pro-biotic, and a baby byebye fever...
coz tat's all i have at home...
the byebye fever got no feel on me...
=.=

da next day...
i got completely recovered...
it's COMPLETELY leii...
i like...
WTH!!!
spoiled my whole day of not going out with my frens...

so tat all...
i pps da whole day ytd...
until i din study...
so now gonna go study...

chaos~

updates...

2010-05-26T09:57:00.004+08:00

there's alot 2 post about but there's nothing 2 post about da same time too...
n i have lots of pictures too...
but i dunno wad 2 post about....
coz it's been very very hectic these few days...

laz friday we went bentong n raub 2 experience the old school style of restaurant...
some pictures here...

after that...
we straight go bak college for our pastry class...
these are da things we did...
some very ugly though... =.=

~Opera Cake~

~Choux Pastry~

~Crepe Suzzete~

~Canalles~

so tat was last week...
and also last 2 weeks i think....
will update more when da week is ended again...

busy busy busy!

2010-05-16T11:53:00.005+08:00

been very very bz lately...
laz monday had 2 unexpected exams..
then tuesday had unexpected french exam...
wednesday i went 2 Giant Kinrara for the Waste Not Want Not programme...
then come bak 2 have class from 1pm till 10pm...
the after class...
can still go Snowflake till 11.30pm...
here's some pics tat i too during my practical classes...

~Salmon in brioche with hollandaise sauce~

~Slow-cooked eye fillet, with new salsa verde and bearnaise sauce~

salmon was overcooked!
not so happy bout tat...
but then da rest was ok....

then thursday...
we went Sheraton Imperial Hotel for a California Raisins Workshop by Chef Fred Mougel...

~the raisins souvenirs they gave us~

then got a lil' bit pissed...
coz SOME of my groupmate...
hands so itchy...
switch my full packet of raisins...
with empty box!!
they try 2 say "no no no"...
but i can see da doubt in their eyes...
i saw it..
then i str8 point at her...
"u took it... i can see from ur eyes... u are lying..."
then only they give bak RELUCTANTLY!!!

anyway... we waited till da rain stop...
then only go bak...
friday... we had tis Waste Not Want Not programme...
being conducted at Cheras...

we were suppose 2 distribute food to da poor and hungry...
so these are wad we did....

so yea~
tat's all for this week...

i wan my peace...!

2010-05-11T12:51:00.002+08:00

my peace time is when i need 2 b alone...
y can't i b alone when i need to??
y muz i always be disturbed??

i'm a lone ranger...
i'd rather b alone than being with frens tat i dun get along...
now my peace time is only in d morning...
coz i my classes r all in d afternoon...
so when i'm in college...
in d morning...
without telling any1...
means i'm having my peace time...
it's a simple thing...
yet no1 gets it...

gimme my peace time bak...!

Food Promotion by Robert Danhi...

2010-05-09T18:55:00.005+08:00

it was seriously a gud experience to have Chef Robert Danhi in taylors...
but too bad was that it's not our batch hu's organizing da food promo...
my juniors... DC31...
did their mis-en-place on thursday...
i had my kitchen practical class on thursday too...
i was dead tired...
coz we had 7hours of kitchen class non-stop...
but then towards the end...
i kinda feel like helping them...
coz it's gonna b an awesome experience with Chef Danhi...

below here it's da menu they served us...

~Saigon Lady Mocktail~

~Tom Yum Brittle Chicken Satay~

~Grilled Black Pepper Garlic Prawns with Pomelo Coriander Salad~

~Sunrise something mocktail~

~Coconut Broth with Pickled Mustard, Greens & Crispy Noodles~

~Accompaniments for Lemongrass Beef with Tomatoes & Star Anise~

~Lemongrass Beef with Tomatoes & Star Anise~

~Peach something with Mint mocktail~

~Black Sticky Rice Cheesecake with Pandan & Mango~

to those hu wonders hu's Chef Robert Danhi...
see below....

lengzai hor him!!!
too bad he's married...
his wife is so lucky!!!

anyway tat's all... =)

wonders...

2010-05-08T22:02:00.002+08:00

i always wonder y ppl juz have tat "luck"...
n i always wonder y i dont...
n y when i have it...
i'll reject it??

i like to proof myself...
proof 2 ppl tat i can do it...
especially those hu looked down on me...

n y ppl juz dun listen 2 me??
y ppl like 2 listen 2 those hu gives bad influence...
instead of the gud ones??
wad's wrong with ppl nowadays...

i have sometimes reached a limit...
until i feel speechless...
can't they think str8?
i dun fight back...
coz i know tat i will lose...
n i know it's a waste of time n energy...
but i'm still waiting for some1...
some1 hu listens to me...
some1 hu hears me...

2nd post of da day...

2010-05-05T11:26:00.002+08:00

so long i din post 2 posts in a day...
usually i was super emo then only i post...

anyway...
story is such...
tis morning i receive an sms from my dad...
saying tat he is not giving me anymore money...
coz he has to save some for his old age...
and also to pay the lawyer's fees...

then i sent tat msg 2 my mum...
making my mum furious and also sad..
then ask me 2 send bak a msg saying hu will support me...
yadi ya da....

then my dad reply me...
saying tat we're only his children by name...
so i got angry...
coz inside my heart...
he is still my dad...
tat's a fact tat i couldn't change...
but he dun treat us children by blood...

then i reply "by name and not by blood is it?"
then talk facts 2 him...
bla bla bla...
i said my mum was pleased until he cheated on her...

then he dare reply me "by blood or money?"
i got so angry...
n he tried 2 end da conversation by saying he dun wanna talk about it anymore???

i still reply "by money or a responsibility of a father?"
i even said sorry for rebelling...
but it's still da fact if u could take it...

end up... he say he will borrow money...
juz 2 support me...
meaning u wanna say u're begging money from ppl...
asking for pity...
and make up story saying we're da worse ever children ever???
suits u...

i can survive without u!
my mum has sort of given me permission 2 forget u...
coz we're only ur children by NAME!

comfort...

2010-05-05T08:39:00.002+08:00

i do agree tat it's beginning to be very stressful...
ppl dun listen to wad i say...
ppl dunno how 2 think n behave like a matured person...
ppl dunno how 2 differenciate wad is suppose 2 do...
n wad's not suppose to do...
ppl think i'm lansi...
ppl think i'm rude...
it is a true fact tat joining ADC can be a blessings in disguise..
n tat was y i think they are not so civilised...
coz they are still so noisy...
n dunno how 2 think straight...

so...
i've been very straight-forward these few days...
until ppl say i am so lansi...
if u know me...
u can sense a lil' bit of joke inside...
but too bad u dun know me..
coz so far i can say no ppl know me...
but i can know wad ppl think easily...
i guess tat's juz wad i am...

i am still gonna be hu i wanna be...
laz time when i say "diu" only...
ppl say i rude...
wad's wrong in expressing my ownself???
now i say ppl noisy...
n doing stupid decision for being too kind...
ppl say i lansi???
tat's juz preposterous!!!
so anyway...
wadever..!

i'm tired enuf 2 take care of u guys' behaviour...
n i have 2 tolerate tat...
i'll juz go bak 2 being my own self...
like it or not...
it's not my problem..!

someone to lean on...

2010-05-04T10:43:00.002+08:00

i dunno why...
but i always want ppl to agree with what i say...
if they try to rebel me...
if it does not make any sense at all..
and it's just to satisfy their egoism...
i can't take it!
i know wad i say is true...
what for fight back with me???
WHY?!?!?!?!!!

anyway...
i was "miraculiously" elected as class rep again...
to be honest...
i dun mind doing that...
it's not something that i dun like to do...
but when it comes to following orders...
and you dont do what you're suppose to do...
then i'm not happy...
i can't always be ur "mother"...
and i dont want to be too...
still dunno how to think what's right and wrong meh???

ytd went to division office with my chef...
settle the ICT problem...
then he told me...
"now i need your help... i need you to keep an eye of them for me.."
"i need you to tell me what going on and what's happening."
i like... speechless...
i dun like being middle person...
it's never a gud role to play...
it's juz like backstabbing ur own frens...
so y not juz listen to wad i say...
and do wad i say...
it makes my life easier...
and yours too...

but too bad hu listens to me rite??
when things juz turn out 2 be super bad...
then i have no choice...
hu should take responsibility...
will take it....

i seriously have limits!!!

2010-05-01T00:21:00.002+08:00

these few days i'm being grumpy...
coz no1 ever take it seriously on wad i say...
the influencing force is ady so weak from me...
n u guys still wanna treat me like tat...
ever care wad ppl feel??
i guess no...

i hate ppl 2 tickle me for FUN!!!
muz i tell u all HOW MANY TIMES???
i hate ppl hu dun listen to me...
especially when it comes to something involves disciplinary!!!
it's juz heartache expressing all these...
coz i have 2 bare with it for 1 year...
1 BLARDY YEAR!!!
argh!!!

the world now....

2010-04-22T14:09:00.002+08:00

i do understand tat nowadays da world...
is seriously in a mess...
ppl juz dun care bout wad ppl feels...
they juz cheat on their wifes...
n having thoughts saying "as long as i'm not married.. i can go for as many girlfriends i want"...
tat is nonsense!!

da moment my fren say tat it's not wrong 2 have many girlfrends at once...
at certain point... "yes i do agree"..
but in d end... it still hurts ppl alot...

i came from a broken family too..
n at certain point...
i dun call my family "a family"...
we dun communicate much...
n we sort of hold grudges among ourselves...
da best example is me n my 2nd brother...
i juz dun understand y muz he NOT answer da questions i asked?!!
ARGH!! everytime i think about him...
i'm feel like i can juz kill him!!!

so anyway...
i dun feel tat a broken family is a BIG DEAL nowaday...
so Joyee...
i dun even know u read my blog onot...
it's not a big deal...
wad's da point in feeling remourse about ur parent's life..?
y not juz cherish da moments NOW n have a better life of urself...
it's their life...
not urs...
so hu cares??
like me i dun care...
my dad still spend money on tat woman instead of us children...
wad can i do??
i dun even regard him as my dad anymore anyway..

so juz get a life...
a great life...
work hard for wad we want...
n tat's wad i will do...
n also wad i did...

long post again...

2010-04-21T17:40:00.002+08:00

i have alot 2 post about...
but there's some agenda tat i couldn't post out...
due 2 some secrets keeping =D..
one day it will get mentioned again...

so anyway...
obviously i did not pms for laz week...
but my limits juz burst 2 da top...
until i have 2 sometimes give warning...
or juz keep it quiet...
mayb i'm used in trying 2 b da best..
n trying 2 make da best out of basically anything...
so there's 1 thing tat i'm not actually gud..
which is anything involves "driving"...
wad do u guys expect??
i only drive during da weekends...
i'm not brave enuf 2 explore da whole selangor yet...
it takes time...

so anyway...
at certain point it really burst...
until i really wished tat i wasn't da 1 driving...
n until i feel like juz off-ing da car engine and walk away...
but it's was not as fun as i've expected...
da next time...
not me hu drive...
i rather juz sit throughout da day...

so advance diploma started...
well not really...
juz orientation...
n 1st day in orientation...
assignment is already given...
n only 1 week of duration is given...
HAIHZ!!!

abit starting 2 feel da stress ady...
NO!!!!!
DUN SO FAZ COME BAK LA STRESS!!!!!
my term6 juz over...
i've earned wad i've strived for...
now... another new goal need 2 b encrypted again...
stress-nya!!!

so friday is our 1st so-called professional trip...
guess where???
the one and only Cuisine Studio!!!
a place where owns a trademark of giving ppl permanent tattoo!!! (scars)
n i have a few from them too...
till now it's still in a process of fading... =(

OMG i'm seeing Jean-Michel AGAIN!!!!
i din seriously expect tat!!!

*notes 2 ppl hu wanna sit my car.... DUN COMPLAIN!!!

tears are dried up... including my pillows..... =)

2010-04-12T21:49:00.002+08:00

i've cried almost whole day ytd...
even when i blogged my last post...
i was crying too...
usually i have my piano 2 help me last time...
now i only have my blog...
n i got so tired at nite...
that i fell asleep while chatting with my fren...
when i got up 2day...
i was still tired n sorrow...
i was still very very sad...
knowing tat my mum wasn't supportive of wad i've chosen...
then i got so surprised...
tat she is planing on da cheque stuffs for my fees...
then i knew it...
god answered my prayers...

my mood were tuned bak to normal n happy...
i started chatting with mum...
instead of keeping quiet...
n my tears are dried up...
including my pillows too~! =)

thx 2 my frens hu actually cared bout me...
seriously appreciated it...

wet pillows...

2010-04-11T14:03:00.002+08:00

got use meh get Congratulations from Jury??
got use meh i worked so hard for my 2years diploma...
when i told my mum i got congratz from jury...
she's not even close on showing how happy she is...
when i told her tat i was 3rd place for the whole dc30...
she only reply me... "har? 3rd place only ah?"
a dagger juz pierced tru my heart...
every1's so happy tat they got congratz...
but i wasnt tat happy...
coz mum was expecting me 2 get congratz and also TOP STUDENT...

anyway...
before friday...
i was sure tat i'm taking option b...
then after tat advance diploma event...
they told us can go degree after taking AD...
then now wad???
got so bloody confused...
then after sorting things out...
decided to go for AD...
but i will b breaching my scholarship contract...
which means tat i have 2 pay them bak 50% of wad they'd given me...

until ytd i was still certain of wad i wanna take...
Advance Diploma...
tat was my choice...
n i was certain tat my mum wouldn't mind...
until 2day...
she came n fetch me...
talked about it in da car...
she's not tat encouraging after all...

i need to make so many decisions...
i dun wan to make anymore of it...
i'm tired...
i cried whole day...
non-stop...
until i need go shower to cry out loud...
i dunwan it anymore.......
plz...

Practical Finals....

2010-04-05T21:16:00.002+08:00

My Appetizer : Oeufs Farcis Chimay

My Main Course : Pan Fry Seabass with Mash potato, Vegetable Bayaldi and Sauteed French Beans serve with White Wine Sauce and Carrot Puree

My Dessert : Crepes Aux Fruits serve with Strawberry Coulis

Group photo of my dish in the tasting room

Another group photo

so 2day's my final practical exam...
i was seriously super nervous...
i couldn't sleep for 2 days...
2 days b4 i kept waking up from my sleep...
coz i was thinking bout how 2 present my dishes...
then da day b4 exam...
i was kinda tired...
lucky could sleep awhile...
but i still kept wake up...

tis morning my fren fetched me...
though i was their alarm clock...
ought to call them 2 wake them up...
after picking me up...
he n i can say his gang went for so-called breakfast...
but i din eat anything coz i'm used to work with empty stomach...
my 1st record was 12hours of 5am till 5pm...
worked without water n food with empty stomach...
all thanks to Cuisine Studio hu trained me for it... LOL!

anyway...
i brought quite alot of stuffs..
i was fully equiped...
with blender and full of utensils...
so my bags were so heavy that i walked like an old lady...
went str8 2 kitchen when reached college...
then str8 call my boss...
then he came...
pass all the things n stuffs...
bla bla bla...

then start 2 go in for written test...
when saw da menu...
me n him was like "WTF!!!"...
they repeat menu...
which was something we dun expect at all...

but then it's ok la...
did all da paper work smoothly...
after collectiong of answers...
i start shaking...
lol...
until i need take a few deep breaths...

slightly calm down after going in da kitchen...
everything went through smoothly...
thanks 2 my commis...
she's very very helpful...
da only thing din went well...
i could say is my white wine sauce and dessert...
dessert i can say i simply do most of it...
but it turned out not bad...
so still satisfy la...

after exam....
stayed bak 2 watch da last session...
and also helped chef 2 make soft roll with some frens...
after last session finish...
juz gone home str8...
wanted 2 join them for "lunch/dinner"...
but my fren hu's sending us bak sort of feel like going home...
so juz follow him la...
since i only tumpang car...

so tat's all...
one of my longest post i think...
kinda "kong-ed" out now...
kinda happy that my blender helped my fren out too...
gud for him...
all so useful for my blender...

haha...
alrite... i think it's enuf of stories...
gonna go JPJ 2mr 2 renew liscense...
ciao~

Sign Off~

stubborn ass....

2010-04-03T20:07:00.002+08:00

i've been surrounded by so many stubborn ppl...
hu dun think on my behalf lately...
some say this will happen...
some say tat will happen...
in d end both fite of wad will happen...
turn out nothing happened...

stubborn ppl never think on other ppl's behalf...
coz they only think on their own point of view...
it's juz so hard 2 please both sides...

so i'm having my practical exams on monday morning...
alot of arguments come out with some stubborn frens of mine...
asking me not 2 worry bout main course...
but worry bout starter n desserts...
these two...
honestly i'm not worried about...
i'm only worried about my main course..
coz by knowing wad's out...
i can do my plating presentation in my mind...

mayb ppl dun get wad i'm thinking then...
anyway ppl wont get wad i'm thinking...
coz i'm an Aries...
lol!
aries is always d opposite of wad ppl think...
tat's y no1 ever understand how an aries think...

anyway... tat's all....
need do more research 2 get ready for my war on monday morning...

sign off...

Broga Hills + Gabai Waterfall (Photos)

2010-03-29T14:43:00.003+08:00

Hiking @ Broga Hills + Gabai Waterfall

2010-03-26T20:17:00.003+08:00

2day... woke up at 2am...
then meet fren go have a meal...
i was kinda pissed...
coz they rushed me 2 eat my food...
mayb tat's also y my stomach din feel gud..
n almost fainted while hiking a few times..
n 1 of da reason..
oso coz i long time din work out...
=.=...
mayb not long...
but NEVER....
my last jungle trekking was in form4...
so long go....

so anyway...
i think we started our hiking at 5am...
gave some briefing on behavior...
n i dun get y calling ppl's name is forbidden...
hmmmmm....
when juz started climbing not long later...
i started 2 get tired...
but i still forced myself up...
until at certain point they slowed down...
then i quickly bend down...
coz something not right...
they were flashing their torchlight 2 see are we safe...
end up it made me dizzy.. =.=
i sad kinda long...
all gave me sweets n chocolate for energy...
end up i almost puke coz it's making me puke...

anyway...
it was super tiring...
coz keep walking up n up n up~!!
i need stop so many times...
lucky i din feel so bad coz no sunrise...
i was scared coz will make them cannot see da sunrise...
every1's helping me alot..
n i'm slowing them down...
feel kinda bad tat time..
then when reach 1st peak...
every1 was so tired they started 2 eat pringles...
was fun...
but i was half dead...
stomach super alot of air...
then started 2 burp a few times..
then only better...

then out of a sudden...
was so energetic...
HAHA!!
was tired la when go 2nd peak...
but still better...
then started shouting n stuffs...
then finally reached da top...
took some pictures n stuffs...

n finally have 2 go down hill liao lu...
a few of them fell down...
coz kinda slippery...
then when i was jokingly shouting at my fren...
I SLIPPED TOO... =(
karma... =.=

after tat they decided 2 go waterfall...
so we went too...
AND again...
NEED CLIMB stairs...
i was way behind..
so din get any close up pictures...
but when reach there...
it was nice..
WATER SUPER COLD...
n we had fun...
i keep get pushed down by ppl...
but then..
my pants too rough...
cannot slide down =p
too bad guys... ^^

then it reached 12...
every1 say go makan ady...
went to KAJANG SATAY!!!
keep eat eat eat... ^^
it was veli nice..

then go bak college for class liao lu...
every1 mostly dead...
in class all like zombie i think...
so tat's end of it...
will post some pictures when i get it... ^^

Stay Tune ppl... =)

study group...

2010-03-23T11:01:00.000+08:00

some ppl are juz a show off....
sometimes juz couldn't stand it....
=.=!!!

new blog skin~!!

2010-03-23T09:44:00.002+08:00

i wanted tis blogskin kinda long ady...
i end up using da black 1... (da last blogkin)
not tat pro as joyee aiai...
coz she pro in codes...
all i do is juz copy n paste...
LOL!
now in college...
suppose 2 study French with my frens...
end up suppose 2 meet at 10am...
coz no1 tell me the time changed!!!
ROAR!!!

still longing for some1 2 love...
with all my heart...
n i guess it's gonna start at 2012~
COZ GRADUATING IN 2012!!
lol...
hope it's not end of da world yet...

anyway tat's all....
cya...

it's been awhile...

2010-03-22T01:23:00.002+08:00

juz now...
was pissed...
end up blocking n deleting ppl in msn...
very pissed...
i think i have 2 get rid of tis unpleasant feeling...
da feeling of hating or disliking ppl until my hatred is out...
but end of da day...
da 1 hu suffers is me...
need 2 get rid of it...!
URGH!!!

stressful days...

2010-03-13T21:11:00.002+08:00

nothing much 2 talk about though...
all i know is my life for these few days is veli veli stress...
finals are coming...
assessments filled with next week's lessons...
then a trial presentation of entrepreneurship is next week too...
bz bz bz~

tis morning received a msg from my group leader...
saying she wanna postpone da meeting 2 2mr...
coz she has tis dinner party with her fren...
immediately i got so stressed up...
coz i have 2 go kl early in d morning...
then not sure wad time da convocation's gonna finish...
then afternoon my mum has tis meditation class...
expect me 2 go her house at 3pm...
i've told u tat i'm not free...
n still expect us 2 go...
commitment huh???
u made every1 feel so unfair...
coz we dun have da commitment tat u have...
but we still have other commitment that u think it's not necessary...
try n think bout it....

haihz... i sort of thought of not going 2 her house...
coz weekend is da only time where i can b alone...
and do my own things....
*sigh*...
stress.....

what a day~

2010-03-07T01:30:00.002+08:00

nothing special these few days...
other than i'm sick...
2day woke up by a long msg...
but then slept bak n woke up at 12pm...
coz nephew cried...

then wanted 2 do entrepreneur..
but i got lazy...
end up looking for blogskin...
then also couldn't look for anything nice...
wasted time there...

then time juz passes by...
maple-ed awhile though...
then watched From Paris With Love...
then played BuddyPoke in facebooke...
and now wanna start doing my entrepreneur...

b4 ending tis post...
i sort of always think y ppl could juz b so easily get attention...
i sometimes juz could'nt understand though...
they are attention seekers...
and i am too...
but i dun usually get it...
maybe it's cause i dun give ppl attention tat much..
and thus ppl dun give any attention to me??
tis will b my question of the day then...

bak 2 work...
gonna start my entrepreneurship project now...
ciao~

bad romance...

2010-03-03T19:36:00.002+08:00

i was hearing lady gaga's bad romance...
then suddenly a memory juz pop out...
i know it's like a pop song...
can still make me emo...
=.=...
anyway...
da memory was tat my fren asked me do i ever had a bf b4...
i answered no...
then ask me y dun have...
is it i dun wan or ppl dun wan me...
i say i got no fate...
n y on earth ppl would want me...
then he replied me - "true oso"...
i was internally broken....

ya la i kinda sampat...
i kinda always close to myself alot...
but tat's wad i like...
n it doesn't mean tat i dun make with ppl...
n it also doesn't mean tat i hate guys... =.=

mayb coz i'm sick of guys...
they are sort of da enemy of most gals...
n also best frens of most gals...
it's juz too ironic...
in my family there's too many types of guys...
1 hu cheats on his wife...
1 hu loves his wife like gold...
another 1 hu does not care bout life...
with such examples...
i really dunno where do guys stand a place in my life...

my fren once said...
"isolation forces depression"
it's kinda true...
but isolation gives me more happiness than being crowded by ppl...

haihz...
gonna go bak 2 assignments...

long time din post....

2010-02-28T10:42:00.002+08:00

so...
things has been a while...
everything seems to be so busy....
working up on projects...
assignments.... and exams...
and the stress of final exams too...

nothing much as chinese new year is going to end...
like 2day's da laz day actually....
got quite ok ok numbers of angpows too...
enuf 2 buy a fon...
but dunno which 2 buy yet...

then being bz 2 keep myself alone these few days...
mayb not alone...
but trying 2 be accompanied by ppl hu i dun hate...
so after a meeting among my project mates...
suppose 2 go bak n do a survey with some of them...
then i decided not 2 go...
coz i know i wont feel comfortable...
secondly.... i period 2day...
lol.... wad a coincidence....

anyway i was happy with my decision...
as i only slacked for da past 2 days ago...
did nothing with da project n stuffs...
furthermore i din do much on my research too...

so tat's all i guess...
monday's gonna b practical assessment...
then tuesday i'm gonna go out 2 midvalley 2 have some fun...

planning 2 change blogskin though...
but no time...
mayb after my finals...

tat's all i guess...
bak 2 my research...

emotional breakdown..?

2010-02-17T21:33:00.002+08:00

ok i admit my mood aint so good since b4 cny...
it's juz all jumble up...
any small little things will juz make me pissed off..
small little things will make me jealous...
then small little things will make go crazy...

i have tis super bad attitude...
i kinda look things negatively...
and also look thing positively...
but only things in relationships i'm pessimistic...
coz i understand da nature of impermanence...
n tat's da one n only thing tat makes me go insane...

as i said...
i heard alot of stories..
i'm a listener...
i love giving advice in relationship...
n most of it... i think it kinda worked out...
n then they will tell me how happy they are...
ain't i suppose 2 b happy too???
in fact i felt envious more than happy...
coz i couldn't experience it myself..
n i can only experience it based on other ppl...
it's kinda a heartache....

haihz...... tat's all now...

banging head almost every second...

2010-02-16T23:06:00.002+08:00

my momma is being super irritating these few days...
then i realised how i hated staying at home...
how i wish i'm at my apartment now....
even though there's internet here...
i still think tat i'll b alot calmer at my apartment...
coz i can wake up anytime i wan...
then all i can hear will b silence...
no1 bugging at my ear...
especially when i 1st woke up...
anyway...
hoping 2 go bak apartment veli soon...
can have peaceful life...

now tat my bro's bak..
nephew's bak...
my mum will b occupied on him more liao...
thank god....
hope 2 get more peace...

sign off~

i want a super hot vampire boyfriend...

2010-02-15T19:32:00.002+08:00

i hear alot of love stories...
read alot of love stories...
and also see alot of love stories...
then i always wonder when will it b my turn??
i find it kinda hard for me 2 get one aye?
no looks... no body... no personality...
so choosie... demanding (i think)...
haha...
hear so many ppl say i miss him/her...
love him/her so much...
all da lovey dovey...
makes me so much of envious...
until a small part of me kinda wish them break up... (choi choi choi)
but then really 祝福 them...
for me??
slowly wait for my 桃花 to come lu....

now only wish i can get a super hot vampire bf~
hahahaaha!
ok la...
no need b super hot...
as long as he's a vampire...
tat's ady more than enuf... haha!

anyway...
heart abit 酸酸 coz of da loneliness...
hope will b cured soon..
but then mayb after i grad only got chance?
tat's juz so long...
lol~
then i'll juz live in my own fantasy world bah....~

pissed..

2010-02-15T09:51:00.003+08:00

ytd was CNY...
and also valentine's day...
suppose 2 go temple...
but din go coz my 2nd bro came here and eat mee suah late...
so mum say dun wan go ady...
and actually i dun feel like going out...
she's like so eager 2 go out...
then ok la...
decided 2 go The Curve for dinner...
but when reach there...
all close...
then some full...
then some only have set menus...

i end up eating Shihlin's chicken instead...
there's always a reason why i dun wanna eat da food which only me can eat...
coz my mum will feel "geram" coz she dun get 2 eat...
and only get 2 see me eat...
then ok la..
u wan it tat way...
ma let u see lo...

then wadever she did laz nite..
she juz pissed me off...
wadever small little things la...
juz pissed me off...
cannot walk so long...
still wanna walk...
then walk like senget here and senget there...
keep leaning on me...
making me 2 walk sideway...
I DUN LIKE IT!!!

keep bothering me wanna eat wad...
where she can't even eat...
LIAR!
say dun wanna eat...
but actually is wanna eat...
very annoying la!

haihz....
dun wanna say anything ady...
later see wad she can do again....

valentine's day...

2010-02-13T19:23:00.002+08:00

so...
2mr's valentines day aye??
yeah...
heartache...
anyway...
i've heard so many love stories being told 2 me...
some lovely ones...
some sweet ones..
n some broken ones...

n sometimes i do wonder around...
y none ever happened 2 me??
muz i mold myself into some1 else to get wad i want??
i dun think tat's wad i'll do too...
i'm a stubborn and gutless gal..
and i do admit it...
but...
haihz...
i'm even speechless rite now...

valentine's day is da same day as CNY...
both days that i wished it will be gone very fast...
CNY's a day where joy comes..
but for me...
family broken until i dunno how's it's like...
like a piece of glass shattered around...
and i juz have to pick it up with my bare hands...
but it's so hard 2 think that coz i will hurt my hands...
it's like i wouldn't even wanna mend tat piece of glass...
coz it will hurt me back...

2mr going temple...
i hope it's not so noisy...
i juz wanna stare into the serene-looking Buddha...
and make my mind calm for such a long time...
n i hope he wont appear there...
i have tis feeling tat i might see him 2mr...
haihz...

tat's all for now...
blog again if i feel like...

bad bad CNY...

2010-02-13T17:16:00.002+08:00

so...
2mr it's da new beginning of the year of Tiger...
BAD BAD year...
i read so many books...
all say it's a bad year for Horse ppl...
lately kinda stressed up...
laz monday was da day i was suppose 2 send in 1 report...
n made it on time..
without any help from my partner though...
told my lecturer about it..
he's suppose 2 talk 2 us..
but then... i know i have no guts...
i agree...
so i juz 4get it...
let him do da rest...

then rush up my entrepreneur assessment...
suppose 2 hand in on wednesday...
but lecturer say can hand in by friday...
since i've done all of it...
finished by wednesday actually...
so i sent it on thursday instead...
then i felt so free...
thursday afternoon went out with bro to subscribe da digi broadband thing...
needed my student id...

after that he sent me bak my apartment...
got so bored...
i even thought of going out 2 watch a series of movies..
but then i got so lazy..
n it was so HOT...
so end up reading my new book...
read till i fell asleep...

woke up around 7...
cooked some sausages and eggs...
then continue reading...
until i force myself 2 sleep since da next day is an early class..
but end up i couldn't sleep..
keep stirring on the bed...
N i woke up late...
not late if da campus is near my apartment..
but late if da campus is at the lakeside...
lol... rush 2 da bus...
but then da bus driver waited till 8.05am only move..
=.=... and my class starts at 8..
but anyway... da lecturer was late..
so nvm...

after class... mum picked me up...
went 1u...
bought a necklace for my purple dress..
mum bought da most stuffs though...
was having headache da whole time..
but din tell mum...
coz will spoil her mood...
reach home.. got a bath..
headache was slightly better...
at nite around 9...
it came bak again...
so i slept early instead....

2day lei...
okok day la...
bothered by my dad issues only la...
serves him right that no1 wanted 2 meet him...
including my 2nd bro hu FFK him oso...
LOL!

anyway tat's all...
mood not so gud now...

tones...

2010-02-09T10:24:00.002+08:00

i have lots in mind for da past few days...
but when it comes 2 posting...
i dun think there's much again...
things been kinda rough these few days...
struggling with assignments, assessments, and family stuffs.
but i hope things will turn out fine...
since CNY break is coming..
i have time to ease myself up...
but then...
CNY is another thing...
another thing 2 worry about...
coz of my dad...
a dad hu cheated on my mum and humiliates his children infront of ppl..
anyway...
tat's all 2 post...
i post bout my dad coz i wan ppl 2 realise tat the ppl nowadays...
are not da ones we hope for..
in fact.. it's turning d other way round...

tat's all...
gonna go bak do my assignment...

bday wishlist~

2010-02-07T16:23:00.003+08:00

wanna make a bday wishlist here...
although i know sure wont get any of it..
unless i buy myself.. LOL!

1) MP3
2) C510 SE Phone
3) Camera
4) Headphone
5) More vampire novels
6) Pencil box
7) Windows7
8) New lappy
9) A gud Year 2010
10) Happy forever
11) Super HOT boyfriend [as if i will... =p]
12) More clothes, bags, shoes.

i think at least will get my fon b4 my bday bah...
coz i'm getting it myself.. haihz...

*for my readers... MY BDAY IS ON 27th MARCH yea~!! ^_^
*awaiting more presents...

CNY

2010-02-02T12:12:00.002+08:00

i tot cny shud b a happy festival...
but turn out 2 be a suckie one...
ok not all suckie...
but will going to be if things are not well planned...
my parents are having a divorce...
then thing wont settle so easily n tat soon b4 CNY...
so me n my family have 2 bare with my dad...
a dad hu cheats on my mother and is still doing so in public...
we're juz lucky tat we left him and came 2 kl n stay...
now he received da lawyer's letter...
saying tat my mum is divorcing him...
now he's trying 2 patch things up...
AFTER 4 LONG YEARS n now only he's trying to patch up??
i dun think so...
i've been humiliated by him in public twice...
i've been slap by him in public once...
i've been scolded by him for no reasons sometimes for multiple times...
n all say tat he loves me???
BULLSHIT!

yes i know i did not help my mum in da divorce case...
n i know my mum is not happy bout it...
so wad 2 do...
i've not gud n being matured n pro-active...
n now u can say wadever u can...
all i will do is silently support u mentally...
i dun have the guts to support u physically..
if u know wad i mean...

so now my dad is asking whether we're free or not on CNY...
gratz 2 my elder bro he's going 2 Ipoh with my sis-in-law n nephew..
so he'd escape tis big problem...
n now it's only me, my 2nd bro, and my mum 2 face it...
of coz i wont let my mum see him...
unless she really does...
so it's only up 2 me to do da ignorant attitude..
i've already told him we're not going s'pore...
n we have plans to make...
asking me bout other things??
i'm not going 2 answer...
tat's it...
wanna know??
find out urself n ask the ppl involve urself...

urgh! spoiled my day...
n i'm suppose 2 do my sugar report 2day...
SO tat's all for now...
will post more bout my mood when i'm actually free...

more facts about me...

2010-01-30T23:24:00.002+08:00

so there's nothing much happening...
piles of projects and assignments due...
alot of things 2 do...
and i'm going to do tat on tuesday...
i have my whole day to do...
then slowly on wednesday, and thursday...
try to finish up as much as i can...

so...
my mum's having a divorce...
i find my family kinda weird...
i've seen families tat do not want their children to get involve in divorcing...
but for my mum...
she always complaint tat we(her children)..
do not give a damn bout it...
she thinks she suffered alone...
but mayb she din know tat we also suffered when we were young...
n we already "deleted" tis dad for years already...
tat is y most of the things tat happens 2 him doesn't concern me...
so she say we kept quiet n not helping her in da case...
wad can u do bout it??
we prefer to dun bother bout it...
since u're kinda capable in doing so many things...
then let u settle bah...
then at d end of the story...
credits u take...
shit we receive...
it's ok la... up 2 u on wad u wanna say...
not tat we dun wanna help...
u tell me wad can i help???
i wanna go tru my 20 years of normal pampered childhood life oso cannot...
coz i have 2 think so maturely...
n i dun get 2 enjoy my life the fullest...
i already have a broken family...
wan me 2 fite for a broken family somemore??
i think i'm not tat strong...

then i have 2 worry bout my results...
i have 2 score quite high to get a scholarship...
coz of wad??
coz of u...
coz of my decision hu no1 actually supported me...
n yet u wan me 2 support u...
n dun say i dun support u...
my way of supporting is not like wad u want...
anyway...
i have 2 score 16/20 and above to get tat scholarship...
n hopefully i could...

it's been a long time i din blog out such sad post ady...
n now...
mood juz lost again...
family family family...
no1 really understands me i guess....
n i think no1 will...

new term~

2010-01-23T08:41:00.003+08:00

it's been so long i din blog...
guess my feelings are kinda stable...
so it's new term...
my timetable shows tat it's so empty...
but there's hidden meaning in it...
it's to let us study...
let me show u my time table...

very empty rite???
tis week...
the 1st week of term...
everything was even more emptier...
coz monday there's no kitchen class...
so went pyramid 2 watch movie...
da next day...
which was tuesday...
oso went pyramid 2 watch movie...
n i even made my sunglasses... hehe~
will post photos of it when i'm free...
then wednesday... nothing much...
thursday went 2 pyramid after class again...
went there take money for fees...
then surprisingly the optics shop called to ask me collect my sunglasses...
tat was fast...
wore it on friday when my mum come fetch me... hehe!
it's kinda big...
but heck cares~
i still like it...
so tat's all...
gonna start worry bout my finals...
hopping to get full scholarship...
then my mum no need 2 worry so much...
haihz....
need start study liao lo~!!!

thoughts....

2010-01-08T11:33:00.002+08:00

i realised lately that i have lots of dreams...
mostly are bad one as i can recall...
some are juz meaningless...
one of my bad dreams is a being ignored as i mentioned in my last blog...
another 1 is i got shot by a gun at my spine...
some i can't remember ady...
then things juz happens lately...
i did mention my facebook tat i'm always potrayed as a bad person...
and i'm sick of being the gud person...
my fren commented... saying mayb i juz dunno how 2 be gud...
i got an intant slap in d face to b honest when he commented tat...
i dunno...
i think i did pretty well when i'm being gud...
y dun ppl see it??
if i really did something bad...
and i am really not being gud at all...
let me know... give me another slap...
mayb i could wake up tis time...

i've really been thinking alot...
my mine is juz the battle between "Appreciation VS Ignorance"
some1... enlightened me plz....

WAHAHAHAHA!

2010-01-04T21:57:00.002+08:00

ok i admit i'm a lil' bit crazy these few days...
anyway...
i see lots of blogs...
n most of them actually describes wad were they doing during da day...
n so... they update it almost everyday...
well it's not wrong...
for me... blog is a way to express my unexpress-able feelings...
LOL... if u get wad i'm saying..
haha...
of coz my blog is mostly emo posts...

so i had tis very bad dream during my nap today...
at d end of the dream...
i was being ignored eventhough i fight for my frens...
tis is seriously a bad one..
i even got weak legs after i woke up...
i've always been da one being ignored...
i juz dont know why...
mayb not always... but most of the time Yes...
ppl juz like 2 ignore me i guess...
or mayb they're juz bz...
so i dun really care tat much...
i can easily brain-wash myself saying tat they were juz bz...
juz to keep my mind of it...

i'm still thinking bout tat dream...
it's been very long time i did not have bad dreams..
or even any dreams...
i muz b thinking alot these few days...
anyway...
*sign off... Cheers!

2010

2010-01-01T03:21:00.002+08:00

went 2 curve around 4 jz now...
it was already started 2 jam...
so watched Avatar 3D...
not so impressive...
BUT IT STILL ROCKS!!!!
after tat went n meet Rainna Aiai n Firb...
it turned out not so bad at all...
spotlights all went 2 them....
coz they wore lolita...
anyway... it was expected 2 b like tat...
so i dun mind...

for certain reason...
i see them...
they are really into the "camwhore syndrome"...
n they are in a serious stage...
=.='''
weird....
leng lui nvm la...
i'll juz only dress up when i need to i guess...

and for certain reason...
she juz make me feel uneasy...
her character...
ever since i met her...
even in maple...

as for Aiai...
she dun seem 2 be tat emo anyway...
happy family with the bro...
even though she said she hate him so much...
but concerning is so strong in her...
n i can see tat...
mayb it's juz called "love-hate relationship"...
n it's gud 2 have it...

SO BEST ALL ALL FOR EVERYONE!!!!
TO ALL MY READERS....
MY FAMILY...
MY FRIENDS....
MY RAINNA AIAI(NEW YEAR LIAO... DUN EMO)....
MY MAPLE FRIENDS....
It's a new year....
A new life...
Live on... Stay Happy Always... :)

emo lately...

2009-12-31T03:45:00.002+08:00

so...
things juz went wrong these few days...
i dun have much 2 say...
ytd morning i cried...
tis morning i holded my tears...
wonder wad's gonna happen 2mr...
so 2 make things better...
i decided not 2 follow bunch of lolita frens 2 jalan...
decided 2 go watch Avatar 3D alone...
n enjoy my new year's eve... ^^
so at least during da movie i can cry out loud...
coz da laz time i watched...
i holded tears oso...
i'm abit "kiasu" in a sense...
so 2mr heading 2 curve...
to b exact shud b today...
gonna head 2 curve around 3pm...
then go cineleisure n watch movie at 6...
at da mean time...
go popular by my book....
more vampire stories 2 read^^....
mayb now reading makes me more happier...
living in da world beyond imagination...
feels like reality more than virtual...

so i'm signing off now...
hope it's gonna be a gud end of the year 2009...

mood turn black again... =.=

2009-12-29T13:25:00.002+08:00

i was juz posting a gud mood post..
n now it's turned into a bad mood post...
argh!
got a fon call from my god mum from sg...
she heard my mum's CEA blood test went up...
ask me where is she...
i say i dunno coz i juz wake up...
then come lecture me...
say i dun care for her la...
dun sleep late late then wake up late late la...
wad am i suppose 2 do??
follow her wherever she goes???
sleep whenever she does??
wake up whenever she does??

i have my life too...
every1 ask me do i go out n have some fun??
i say no.. coz my mum's around...
ppl might wonder y i dun go out when mum's around...
1 thing she might need 2 send me out...
another thing she might need 2 fetch me when it's late at nite...
another thing i can't enjoy my time coz i'll b thinking bout her convinience...
i wan ppl to understand...
i dun wan ppl to assume things nonsensely...
I WAN A LIFE!!!

Mood's BACK!!!

2009-12-29T13:02:00.002+08:00

so my frens also decided to go for countdown...
n for now da plans' still on...
*finger cross* hope they dun change plan...

went out 2 days ago...
my fren had a open house in Sunway Court...
went 2 apartment 2 take some things...
then str8 go pyramid to buy wine n chocs as gift...
after tat they decided 2 watch avatar at Tropicana City Mall...
but in d end cancelled...
i was so frustrated tat time...
fetched mum n ate dinner after tat...
then at nite they ask whether can go watch movie on saturday nite...
then i say cannot coz mum's gonna use da car...
in d end change 2 ytd...
hehe... happy happy~!!

ytd i was suppose 2 go my apartment stay 1 nite...
coz mum dun let me use car...
so stay 1 nite as it's gonna b late after the movie...
in d end mum let me use car...
wakakkakakakak!
AVATAR ROCKS!!!!!!
while waiting 4 my fren...
went MPH n read like 3 chapters of a vampire book...
hahaha....
it's a nice book...
but too bad dun have enuf cash 2 buy...
will buy next time...
anyway...
AVATAR seriously rocks...

2nd thoughts...

2009-12-26T23:47:00.002+08:00

31st December...
suppose 2 meet up some maple frens...
n also countdown at da same time...
2day... most of them are talking bout their clothes they are going 2 wear...
n i got sick... =.=
i mean literally....
they're gonna wear lolitas...........
1 semi-gothic lolita...
1 princess lolita...
da rest... i have yet 2 discover...
n i'm gonna b surrounded by them....
owwhhhhh it's juz a lil' bit hard 2 imagine..
until i was thinking of not going......
still thinking.....

nothing special...

2009-12-26T09:37:00.002+08:00

nothing special happened during my christmas...
well there is..
my dad came.. =.=
which it kinda sucks...
i sent my mum out for her retreat o n 24th...
gud for her coz she wont see my dad...
then str8 came home...
i was surprised coz my dad din come...
AND tat's GUD!!!

da next day...
went out 11 something juz 2 find him...
at my aunt's place...
i know my bro hates talking...
n coz i'm near my aunt n uncle...
they keep asking me questions on my studies n stuffs...
so in d end i did most of the talkings...

then bro send us go eat at Aman Suria...
once drive in...
i str8 thought.. "ehhhh?? AMAN SURIA?!?!?!"
then i msg Rainna Aiai...
then she say y din tell her earlier... lol~
so went there n eat da so-called famous seremban char siew...
not bad... very nice...
but da hakka noodle make me super FULL!!!
then after eating...
brought dad bak home...
haihz... it's da most boring time EVER!!
then went out for dinner and also fetch my nephew...
ate dinner at Ying Ker Lou in Curve...
nice food oso... quite expensive too.. =.=
then walked around Curve...
took some pictures with my nephew...
so super happy la him....
then went home...
m bro go send dad bak uncle's house...
n finally it's OVER!!! OMG!

when reach home... tot can train at maple awhile...
manatau my nephew wanna play...
played with him for 1 hour.. OMG!
longest ever....
played drum then he dance...
FOR 1 HOUR!!!
DA SAME MOVES OSO!!!
then continue my mapling...
joined plurk too...
to me it's nothing special...
lol~

chit chat with aiai in maple...
then off around 1...
went in room read book...
until fell asleep... lol!
so tat's all...

2day's gonna b another boring day...

2009-12-24T14:11:00.001+08:00

“To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To hope is to risk pain.
To try is to risk failure,
but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

BE MYSELF LA!!!

2009-12-22T00:12:00.002+08:00

i still dun get it....
WAD'S WRONG IN BEING MYSELF!!!!!!
OMG!!!
got into a conversation with my mum...
she say she got a verbal slap from my aunt...
hu juz say things without thinking...
and 2 u my aunt! WAD"S WRONG IN BEING MYSELF????
AND IT"S IN MY GENES!!!
i admit laz time i no manners...
i dun call ppl when i go ppl's house...
then tat was last time...
y muz keep thinking tat i am still like tat??
OMG! u dun live with me.. then dun say things like tat bout me!

i juz dun get ppl...
can't they think of something pleasant or gud memories?
i know da bad ones are hard 2 forget...
but isn't da gud ones only da ones that is worth cherishing?
haihz... PPL!!! THINK!!!!
I LIKE BEING MYSELF!!!
I LIKE BEING LAZY!!!
I LIKE SAYING BAD WORDS WHEN I REALLY MEAN IT!!! (not everytime ah)
I LIKE DOING WAD I LIKE!!!
I LIKE HOW I DRESS MYSELF!!!
I LIKE TALKING DA WAY I LIKE IT!!!
I LIKE SAYING THINGS THAT ARE MEANT TO BE!!!
I LIKE EVERYTHING I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so dun try to make me be some1 HU I DUN EVEN KNOW!!!

after z open day & campus day...

2009-12-21T10:23:00.002+08:00

so tired after the open day...
juz wake up 7am...
get ready...
sit bus...
reach there...
clear things up...
START WORK!
omg....
everyday it's juz like tat...
n all of them only know how 2 bully the asam laksa & rojak buah!
which is me hu's in-charge of it!
everyday... only these 2 food will constantly out...
da rest of the signature dishes...
juz WON"T go out!!!
sure la their chef is not around...
they can take charge...
mine is da chef around...
NO MATTER HOW OSO MUZ OUT!!!

haihz... nvm... 2day gonna get my pay ady...
wakakakakaka! RM500 here i come!!!
gonna have hair cut...
then buy hair dye n dye myself...
still wondering shud i go pierce my ear...
till now i haven't done it yet...
hmmm......

just broken...

2009-12-18T17:42:00.003+08:00

i know it sounds ridiculous...
but i think i really fell for 1 guy in a game...
i know game is a very virtual thing...
but things juz happens...
n i feel tat i do care wad he does to me...
from talking 2 me...
caring for me...
giving me gifts...
then cool to me...
not talking 2 me...
and d end...
it juz stopped.....
everything is not real to certain ppl...
i know... but it's sort of real 2 me...
coz i could see some similarities between us...
but it's ok....
time will juz mend everything up again...
n things will b diff...

so 2day was campus day...
so much difference than laz week...
laz week was packed like hell...
but 2day is like so few ppl....
very very few ppl....
until i got bored most of the time....
then... when my frens were chatting with the lecturers...
yeah i juz be myself n said "diu"...
so wad?? i cannot be wad i am??
wad i always do??
i muz mould myself to b some1 else?
so tat ppl will like me??
i dun think so...
if i b myself n ppl will see hu i am...
if i act out something tat ppl likes...
then they see da fake side of me..
once i show my true self...
then everything will b worse than ever....
so i can't b hu i am??
like me as u see...
not like me as u wan me to be...

anyway...
will post some pics into here 2 make tis blog a lil' bit more lively...
hahaha....
booyah~

charm...

2009-12-16T23:10:00.002+08:00

i see ppl hu juz have the charm....
the charm to attract ppl...
me lei?? i dun have...
1 thing i know is that i have the potential to get cheated by ppl....
i juz dunno y...
things juz gone within my grasp...
juz *poof*...
wad i wanted juz gone like tat...

sometimes i juz wish i have tat charm....
but if i had it...
i might think tat it's a misfortune to me oso...
depends so much on perspective....
but for me now....
i wan tat...
i wan tat CHARM.....a

still sick....

2009-12-15T23:47:00.002+08:00

most of the ppl hu went for open day to work....
IS SICK!!!!!!!!!!!
omg.... i still need 2 make sure i'm ok by 2mr....
thursday gonna start work again...
haihz.....

so i've changed the blogskin again....
i think i'm quite happy with it now...
it actually suits my mood and character too...
been searching for a suitable blogskin since tis afternoon...
and finally got tis...
kinda satisfied bah...

anyway...
found 1 person hu din get sick...
lol... but whole body aching....
i hope all of them get well soon...
including me....
juz now got a feeling tat fever is coming soon...
ate panadol...
but da ache is still there....
then couldnt stand it anymore...
i went 2 the freezer and ate a piece of ice...
surprisingly it worked!!
no more headache.... hahahahaha.....
but got blocked nose la...
but still i rather had blocked nose than headache...

it's been like 3 days i think....
WHERE IS RAINNA AIAI!!!!!!???????
I MISS YOU!!!!!!
wonder wad's wrong....
hope nothing happen bah....
it's not like her........
plz come bak on9!!!!

*end post*

sick....

2009-12-14T22:16:00.002+08:00

i think i'm gonna go sick soon...
my eyes were sort of swollen n keep coming out tears...
then my nose is either blocked or dripping water...
and my throat is now soaring.... =.='''
all happen after tat open day....

laz tuesday i was asked to go kitchen for a food demo....
turn out to be a function....
so went kitchen from 8am till 6.30pm...
wednesday... i had my law n financial maths exam....
after exam...
str8 go home change then go kitchen....
washed 50kg of ikan kembung...
and steamed 50kg of ikan kembung...
then peeled 50kg of ikan kembung flesh....
from 5pm till 10pm... =.='''
thursday... was in kitchen from 8am till 9pm...
actually was in kitchen from 8am till 4pm...
then 4pm start bcome kuli go xfer things from college to lakeside campus....
ALL the food prepared including utensils...
everything send to lakeside campus...
betul betul kuli....

then friday the big day...
Taylors open day...
estimated 2000 pax...
turn out to be more than 2000 pax...
non-stop turnover food...
until i beh tahan...
can't even eat my lunch...
same goes to saturday and sunday....
i'm now even speechless about tis open day....

tis thursday is another campus day...
expectation is still da same....
HAIHZZZZ........
n now i got a feeling tat i'm getting sick AGAIN...
i better get better soon....
if not my mum's gonna kill me....
sick at the wrong place and at the wrong time...
haihz...

something is so wrong with my blogskin!!

2009-12-07T12:36:00.002+08:00

i tot i've solved my blogskin problem ady....
2day i open my lappy 2 open my blog....
IT"S STILL DA SAME!!!! OMG!!!
if i were to change blogskin again....
think i'll do it after my exams....
got too much 2 study...

and i'm not in damansara....
i'm all da time in my apartment....
y??? coz family kena h1n1....
i'm forbidden 2 go home....
lol......

din tell any1 though....
coz i dun wan ppl 2 bother me...
and too bad ppl saw me...
so.....
home my plans dun change at all....

*fingers crossed*

imperfect...

2009-12-03T15:02:00.002+08:00

life is so imperfect...
but sometimes i wish it will b perfect for me juz once...
once is enuf...
and yet... never bah...
how i wish my life is juz like a movie...
or a drama...
very fantasy and so filled with coincidence...
and yet... of coz it never happen...
i kinda feel tat my blog is juz all about emo stuffs...
lol... of coz it is...
my life is missing...
it's missing a fraction part of something...
n i hope it is filled very soon....
i hope...

i wanna be loved... not being annoyed....

2009-12-01T12:59:00.000+08:00

i've seen many ppl got lots of love...
n yet they dun seem to appreciate it...
but i've also seen ppl who are being loved...
n they are juz so happy 2gether...
when i see so... heartache again...
y can't i experience it???
i can even knoe da answer without asking any1 though...
it's juz coz of my character only...
i hate ppl who talks too much crap...
juz a little is enuf... but not too much...
it's juz too hard 2 get some1 perfect...

then there's ppl hu has da looks...
fallen in love many times...
but none of it juz goes on perfectly???
it's juz so ironic...
n i dun understand tat his/her some1 is sort of an annoying person..
or some1 hu's not even worth wasting time on...
they kept thinking bout him/her...
well... mayb it is true tat "love is blind"...

sometimes i rather b a nobody than a somebody...
but some part in my heart...
i feel like being a somebody rather than a nobody...
coz being a nobody sucks...
it really do sucks...
but i've lived in such life for quite some time...
n i sort of got used to it...

*end of post... back to my normal life*

it's been long.....

2009-11-28T14:17:00.003+08:00

so long i did not post anything here....
guess i have nothing 2 post about??
mayb i do.... but words juz couldn't come out i guess....
was busy with assignments...
projects....
even now i'm still not yet done with my assignments....
saturday's my exams ady....
after tat... i have 1 month plus of holiday...
lol... dun even know wad 2 do....
da most is play maple n chiong lvl???
hahaz.... my life is juz so boring....

anyway.... bought a nice blouse d other day in BB plaza...
well... it's da same 1 as my fren's...
but we definately wont' wear it on da same day...
then ytd went sungei wang with a bunch of frens...
juz 2 watch a movie...
then all gals went shopping...
while da guys go play a fool around in times square....
i bought another blouse... never tried it yet oso....
then another dress... most likely i'll wear it with pants la...
scared too short... lol...
then bought a tube for future use....

now bak in pyramid...
hanging out in starbucks....
trying 2 dl finish my maple...
then i can start playing it again....
later gonna go Jusco 2 buy some under garmets....
hahahahaha.... wad 2 do...
da dress i bought is like so "showing"....
have 2 buy a suitable 1....
now i dunno wad 2 wear on 31st dec....
hmmmm....... some1 gimme a clue....
da black blouse or da purple dress???

jumble up thoughts....

2009-11-15T01:12:00.002+08:00

so i've been hearing n also experiencing alot of things these few days or maybe weeks...
2 frens having relationship problem...
me having ppl problems...
i used 2 advice ppl juz 4get bout it if some1 treats u badly...
now... i changed my mind...
grab it when da chance is there...
of coz it's not applicable to all of them...
anyway so some frens got into relationships...
n it juz did not went well for them...
furthermore all having long distance relationship...

whereas for me...
so far no relationship...
ppl ask me y i no bf...
i laugh bak...
then i say "hu wans me?"....
lol.... then they laugh too...
it may b a joke outside...
but inside... it's like something piercing through ur heart...
anyway... if i really get into a relationship...
there like a 50% chance tat it wont work out....
with me working in such industry...
wont last long i guess...
no matter how loyal i am...
d other party dunno will willingly wait me onot....

well... ppl gets emo easily...
n do stupid stuffs too...
same as me... juz i dun do stupid stuffs...
i juz keep everything inside... or juz blog it out...
i make frens easily...
n oso dump frens easily...
but when a bond is made...
i get emo easily... lol~!

i dun even know wad 2 post anymore...
alot actually went through my mind...
now like... totally empty....
tat's all then....

堆满的project……

2009-11-11T20:01:00.002+08:00

最近就是赶完好多的project...
我队员呢，就是没变……
从law, 到finance, 到english, 到french……
一直保持着。
好是好，但里面的一位成员，
就是那种说人"kiasu"... 但自己也是一位"kiasu"的人。
上次，law的project是有点高扎，也没必要吵得要命吧？
我们也不是尽了力？
她是有错，没睡醒，但人也有限量的吧？

这次finance project，已经抱佛脚了，
还在那边乱？至少帮点忙吧……
我还为了project翘课咧！
到最后有没有想过我们的后果？
这也算！你要那全部的风光，
拿吧！随便你要怎么炫耀！

为了project翘课一次了，
刚刚又打电话来，说要再翘多一次课？
而且是两堂课？去死啦!
我看你只会想自己吧？
是不是想要逃离交通诸塞，
所以说要我们早一点去，
所以你可以早回家？
如果是这样的话，
我就不理你！
气死了！

我忍……我忍…………

I GOT CON-ED BY A BOGUS MONK!!!

2009-11-08T10:40:00.001+08:00

OMG!! i got con-ed by a bogus monk in SS2 market... argh!!! RM20 juz flew away from my pocket!! y am i so STUPID?!?!?!?!?!?!?! so pissed n most of it i'm sad... almost cry in da car when i told my mum bout it... she kept scolding me... argh!!! anyway... i'll juz treat it as "charity"... haihz.... tis will b da 1st time and da last time!!!!!

没想到她是那么的讨人厌！

2009-11-07T18:56:00.003+08:00

她的每一举一动，都好讨人厌啊！
吃东西时会有声音，
又是爽爽就唉唉声，
爽爽就觉得东西很好笑，
爽爽就眯眯眼，然后扮傻傻，
走路时又托脚，吵死人！

哼！吵死啦!

原来……

2009-11-07T17:32:00.002+08:00

今天，和一般朋友见面，因为有些project需要做，
已和他们见面，就和我投诉一位朋友，
而那位朋友，我自己都不喜欢。
当她来餐厅时，我直接就有点不太喜欢和她说话。
那也没关系啦，有其他的人陪他给点反应。

之前啊，她差一点就让我们失去了五分呢，
因为睡不醒。
朋友说要骂她，到最后还不是没骂。
就不知道为什么，每次就是偶像过要骂她，到最后就是不会发生的。
我不相信有一天我不会甩掉她。

最好就是换campus的时候，
个个有了新车，我就有车用。
那时就不需要和她相处那么多。

最近好像有好多东西blog。
可能情绪有点乱？
太多东西发生了。
当心情好点我才用回英文，
现在就是有点不想让人知道我写什么，
才用华语。

ME NO LIKEY!

2009-11-07T14:38:00.001+08:00

败犬女王...

2009-11-07T00:29:00.002+08:00

去了sunway pyramid看阮经天和杨谨华，
就踏上了看败犬女王这部偶像剧。
看完了，
我就常常emo……
因为我觉得我的人生会像戏里面的单无双，
被人抛弃，
然后三十三岁了还没有人要。
不止没人要，
还抱着不认输的态度，
嘴巴也坏得很，使人人都讨厌。
有种感觉我的未来就还是那样。

我都已经十九岁了，
一次拖得没拍过？
还蛮真可笑！
那又能怎样呢？
我又不会遇到戏里面的卢卡斯这个人来爱我……
没有可能把！

悲哀哦悲哀……
孤单也有孤单的痛苦，
谈恋爱的也有谈恋爱的痛苦。
选哪个好呢？

haihz... another friday....

2009-10-31T00:06:00.002+08:00

i never liked fridays.... coz friday got practical class... n when it comes 2 practical class... i am always forced to think alot... coz my partner juz keep know how 2 ask me questions... very fan de leh...... we're suppose 2 work as a team ma.... y muz i think of everything leiiiiiiii???? hou fan ahhhhh!!!!

I HATE FRIDAYS!!!

urgh!!!

2009-10-19T20:59:00.003+08:00

2day... no1 actually stepped on my tail 2 cause anger in me for da whole day... da moment i woke up... i was already pissed... coz i saw 1 f-ing pissed up "memo"... then my day started with P-I-S-S-E-D!!!

then when i go pastry for la-brioche n class... i juz gets pissed when i see some particular ppl ---> those SHOW-OFFs!!! even after pastry oso... some particular ppl juz think tat he is so pro... urgh! da way i see him tok i oso get pissed.... got so geng meh??? so geng dun need study la!

then go finance class.. received another "memo" saying there's french class on saturday... n again i got pissed... like wad??? u change da time bcoz of lame reason tat u have class da next day??? then us??? no class on saturday but need 2 go 2 french class coz u have classes after tat n we have 2 compromise u??? bullshit!

urgh!! lucky they changed time... so i dun care... even if there's class on saturday... i wont even go....

pissed pissed pissed!!!! wtf is wrong with 2day!!!

privacy....

2009-10-18T19:08:00.003+08:00

been spending quite alot with my frens for da past 2 weeks... some aint tat fun... but mostly are... 2day all went bak 2 their normal life... go bak 2 skool.... bak 2 assignments... n bak 2 their life...

same goes for me... i juz wan some privacy... n i hope ppl juz dun bug me so much... hate it alot coz i seriously need some time-out... n 2day... i ran away with it... all i can say i'm kinda a hypocrite....

i got a haircut 2day~

2009-09-25T19:00:00.003+08:00

omg... my notty nephew dunno go press wad... juz now wad i wrote all gone.. =.='''

anyway~~ i went cuisine studio early in d morning... well i guess reyna was too busy... din tok much... took some useful recipes too... paid my debt... but they still owe me 300 bucks for allowance~!!!

then i str8 go 1u.. got a nice loaction for car park... then waiting Fish & Co. 2 buka for business... ate fish n chip... so long din eat liao.... BUT SO DAMN FULL~ after tat go cut hair lo~... at 1st i dun like tat stylist... she keep do tat tsk tsk sound coz my hair too messy.... lol... so annoying... but in d end turn out nice la she cut... so come out like tis........

ok rite????

ok so tat's all.... after cut hair.... go MPH n bought 2 books on potatoes again.... but surprisingly kinda cheap la... not as expensive as i thought....

NOW BAK 2 PROFESSIONAL REPORT~~~~ CHAO~

it's not gonna stop rite??

2009-09-15T17:49:00.002+08:00

i saw a msg from facebook... telling me tat i am in group4 when da term starts... it's so unfair!! it wont stop torturing me rite?? it's not gonna stop at all... i was also told tat i am changed 2 afternoon shift... starting 2mr... juz coz some1 wans 2 sharpen up her skill.... how selfish tat could be... i have 2 bare da stress all over again... n i tot going back college is something i wish for... now either working or going bak college is not wad i want anymore.... cuisine studio is giving me unhappiness... taylors is giving me so much trouble... it's not gonna end after all!!

my emotion is never like tis b4...

2009-09-10T21:10:00.002+08:00

now emotional breakdown is so easy for me. i need some1 2 talk to, some1 hu can actually understand me... but, so far i still couldn't find 1... training had been very tiring... facing those french chef n ppl's attitude is giving nerve recks! can't they b nice eventhough we did something wrong? or juz b a friend instead of thinking highly of urself tat u're so great?

anyway... i jz can't wait for my last day of training... then i'll b free... then i can concentrate on my reports... now i dun even know how 2 blog liao... i used 2 blog so much of wad i'm thinking... now..... i dun even know how 2 express my own feelings.... struggling here.... haihzzz...